body image

A Positive Body Image

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For those of us that struggle with an eating disorder – and, likely, those that just aren’t 100% happy with how they look even if it doesn’t go so far as an ED – maintaining a positive body image is a challenge. In most cases, it’s nearly impossible.

I, for one, have a constant struggle with body image. If I didn’t lay out my outfits the evening before and force myself to wear whatever I prepared, I’d likely spend a solid hour changing every morning because I do not feel comfortable with how I look in my clothing. It is rare for me to truly feel good in my own skin, so on the rare occasion I do, it’s cause for celebration.

Today, I discovered one of those rare moments.

This afternoon, as a reward for all that I’ve accomplished in the last few weeks, I decided to get a massage.

You’d think that the act of stripping down to your skivvies, laying on a table, and allowing a total stranger to touch you [sounds way more perverted than it is, I assure you] would be the last thing to boost my self image.

Yet, that’s exactly what it did.

It wasn’t the other person, of course. It was the sensation. Feeling the tension in my muscles. The connective tissue. Having the masseuse work out the knots in my legs that were there not as a result of stress, but as a result of the workouts and effort I’ve been putting in. Feeling the strength in my joints, the tendons stretching – I felt in tune with my body for the first time in many years.

This wasn’t my first massage; however, this was the first time I really connected with my body. Instead of trying to forget about my thick thighs or jiggly arms, I focused all of my attention on the muscles below the skin and how they responded to the therapy.

For that brief hour, I was proud of my body.

Proud of the aches and pains. Proud of the stretchmarks, which are a constant reminder of the journey I’ve been on for nearly a decade. Each one a tiny, faded badge of honor – a memory of the old me.

Of course, I can’t expect to get a massage every day of my life as a means of boosting my self-image, so I’ll have to seek out other ways of becoming more comfortable with who I am.

However, today’s stolen hour reminded me of the hard work that I’ve put in and the efforts I’ve been taking to be healthy, inside and out. It reinforced the mindset that I have to be good to my body in order for it to be good to me in return.

With that in mind, I’m going for a run before the sun sets on a good day.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Rewards

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Why is it, when we’re dieting, we tend to reward ourselves with food for reaching a milestone? Doesn’t that seem a bit… counter-productive? And, now that I think about it, we have a tendency to do this even when we’re not dieting. Food is the go-to prize for just about everything we do. Have you ever noticed that?

Got straight A’s this semester?

Let’s celebrate with some frozen yogurt!

Oh, it’s your birthday?

Let’s go out for a fancy dinner! And you have to order dessert – it’s your birthday!

You woke up today without hitting the snooze button?

Have french toast for breakfast!

I’m exaggerating, of course, but not by much. I think about the patterns of my family and my in-laws and 90% [or more] of what we do revolves around food. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as the dinner table often promotes great conversation, but does food have to be involved to bring us together? Is food the foundation upon which we have to build our happiness?

I’ve decided I want to try to break the habit of rewarding myself with food, so I’m compiling a list of other “compensations” I can give myself for my little successes.

  • A manicure/pedicure.
  • An hour-long massage. [Using a groupon, of course, because I’m on a college-student’s budget.]
  • A shampoo and blow-out, just for fun!
  • A new book, fresh from Barnes and Noble.
  • A bottle of my favorite wine. [Does that count as food?]

And, you know what? I think a few rewards should give back. I’m a blessed person and there is only so much I need in my life. If I’m not going to reward myself with food, then maybe it’s time to reward myself with some good feelings.

  • Volunteer at The Coalition for the Homeless soup kitchen.
  • Get more involved with the Special Olympics. [my sister-in-law is an athlete, so I’m already active; but I could always do more!]
  • Donate to the ASPCA. Whatever amount of money I’d spend on a celebratory meal, I’ll donate it instead.

While I do not know the psychology behind edible rewards, I’m sure it’s Pavlovian in some way. As a child, someone gave me a chicken nugget for successfully walking ten feet or a lollipop for not crying when I got my childhood vaccinations. Somehow, somewhere, it was ingrained in me – and likely millions of others – to celebrate success by eating. I’ve decided I’m going to reprogram myself, starting today.

If I get an A in my current class, I’m running a 5k and getting a pedicure.

Bon appetit!

~ Tori