Crap.

It’s June 11th.

How is it already June?

Hell, how is it already summer to begin with? I swear, yesterday I was still cleaning tinsel and pine needles from my carpets and now suddenly this blasphemous wall calendar is telling me it’s mid-June. What gives? I deserve at least another six weeks of May before we move into this horrible, no-good, very bad month.

Why am I panicking?

It’s one month away from my birthday today.

For most people, this is an exciting thing. Good things are on the way, right?

Presents! Cake! Friends! Celebration! Presents! Time off! Presents!

For me, the weeks leading up to my birthday tend to be stressful. For one, I’m not handling the whole aging-thing well. I know my face isn’t collapsing into wrinkles yet and I’m not standing in line for Botox, but I can definitely see the years moving faster and the toll it’s having on my body, my mind, and my heart – and it terrifies me.

 

 

I have a list of goals a mile long and the time seems to be sneaking away faster and faster.

One of the goals I have [every year] is to hit my goal body weight. Amazingly, I was on track for more than the first six months of this year [birth year, not new year], but I lost my mojo right around the holidays and have yet to get back into motion.

More than ever, I’ve been yo-yo’ing up and down since December 2012 and haven’t been able to get back into a diet or workout regimen that I can stick to for more than a few weeks.

Well, now we’re officially one month away from my birthday and I’m sitting more than 12 pounds over my goal weight, whereas I was just 4 pounds away from it back in December.

To say that I’m mad at myself is a bit of an understatement.

I’m disappointed. I’m embarrassed. For such a driven person, why do I let food and my own laziness beat me so often?

Fortunately, I’m not a morose person by nature, so instead of wallowing in depression today, I’ve merely recommitted myself to my goals. While I don’t think I can get 12 pounds off in 30 days [not in a healthy way, at least], I do think I can dent that number pretty substantially if I set my mind to it.

So… here goes. [Boy, deja-vu with that statement, right?]

Today’s weight: 142.2

Ideal Body Weight: 130 or less

Let’s do this.

Bon Appetit, my friends!

~ Tori