A Positive Body Image

For those of us that struggle with an eating disorder – and, likely, those that just aren’t 100% happy with how they look even if it doesn’t go so far as an ED – maintaining a positive body image is a challenge. In most cases, it’s nearly impossible.

I, for one, have a constant struggle with body image. If I didn’t lay out my outfits the evening before and force myself to wear whatever I prepared, I’d likely spend a solid hour changing every morning because I do not feel comfortable with how I look in my clothing. It is rare for me to truly feel good in my own skin, so on the rare occasion I do, it’s cause for celebration.

Today, I discovered one of those rare moments.

This afternoon, as a reward for all that I’ve accomplished in the last few weeks, I decided to get a massage.

You’d think that the act of stripping down to your skivvies, laying on a table, and allowing a total stranger to touch you [sounds way more perverted than it is, I assure you] would be the last thing to boost my self image.

Yet, that’s exactly what it did.

It wasn’t the other person, of course. It was the sensation. Feeling the tension in my muscles. The connective tissue. Having the masseuse work out the knots in my legs that were there not as a result of stress, but as a result of the workouts and effort I’ve been putting in. Feeling the strength in my joints, the tendons stretching – I felt in tune with my body for the first time in many years.

This wasn’t my first massage; however, this was the first time I really connected with my body. Instead of trying to forget about my thick thighs or jiggly arms, I focused all of my attention on the muscles below the skin and how they responded to the therapy.

For that brief hour, I was proud of my body.

Proud of the aches and pains. Proud of the stretchmarks, which are a constant reminder of the journey I’ve been on for nearly a decade. Each one a tiny, faded badge of honor – a memory of the old me.

Of course, I can’t expect to get a massage every day of my life as a means of boosting my self-image, so I’ll have to seek out other ways of becoming more comfortable with who I am.

However, today’s stolen hour reminded me of the hard work that I’ve put in and the efforts I’ve been taking to be healthy, inside and out. It reinforced the mindset that I have to be good to my body in order for it to be good to me in return.

With that in mind, I’m going for a run before the sun sets on a good day.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Kryptonite

Everyone has one. Or two. Or a dozen.

Everyone has that food – or that collection of different foods – that melts their resolve.

That food that breaks through all of the walls of determination, shreds will power into millions of shiny little pieces of confetti.

For me, that’s chocolate in almost all of it’s forms.

  • Chocolate Bars
  • Chocolate Cupcakes
  • Brownies
  • Chocolate-Covered Donuts
  • Chocolate Ice Cream
  • Chocolate-Covered Strawberries [That’s healthy, right? It’s a fruit.]
  • Chocolate-Infused Beer. [Yes, they make that.]
  • Fudge
  • Chocolate Muffins
  • Chocolate Cake
  • Chocolate-Anything Cookies

Yeah, I could go on for hours here.

I’m salivating at the thought of these delectable goodies. Why does this one food destroy every shred of self-control I can muster?

I WANT CHOCOLATE NOW.

Since I cannot control myself around these items, I tend to keep them out of my house. I buy fruit sorbets to satiate my sweet tooth and avoid picking up any chocolate-based candies unless I know the person I give them to will keep it away from me.

Is avoidance the only way to avoid over-indulgence? Must I be like Superman and dodge my kryptonite at all costs? Or is there a happy medium to this craving?

I’m still working on an answer to that.

Fighting a craving,

~ Tori

 

Just cycling along…

One of my favorite exercises happens to be the one that feels LEAST like exercise: riding my bike with my husband.

This morning, we decided to crack out the old mountain/hybrids and go for a ride to strategically check out some homes that we’re interested in. The kicker, here, is that these homes are ALL over town. Literally. There were at least two miles between each property and we set out to see no less than six of them.

For two hours, we trucked around town, crossing from Orlando to Maitland, Maitland back to Winter Park, and then Winter Park back to the Baldwin Park area. If you’re not familiar with the Orlando-area, we biked roughly 22 miles. WOW.

Amazingly, the entire trip was a blast. I never felt tired [until the very end, of course] and I was in good spirits the whole time.

Perhaps the distraction of the sights, of having to meander safely through traffic, and the excitement of seeing our [potential] new home drove out the mental struggle that tends to accompany a long workout. I was entertained and enjoying myself, so it really didn’t feel like exercise. It felt like a fun trip with my husband and a beautiful day to be a Floridian.

This leads me to the conclusion that the easiest way to make exercise a daily part of your life is to make it a daily ENJOYABLE part of your life. Whether it’s a bike ride with your spouse or a kickball class with your best friend, a good workout is most effective if it’s savored and anticipated.

If you’re struggling to incorporate more exercise into your day-today, try riding your bike to pick up the few items you need from the drug store or suggest swapping your ladies night out into a ladies sweat-out and join a boot camp glass together. You can find tons of them – often free – locally by going to sites like http://www.meetup.com!

Chances are, you’ll appreciate the after-effects of a good workout much more than you will a night of heavy wine-guzzling!

Besides, how could you choose to go out drinking over rocking one of these awesome helmets with a friend?

Coolness: Defined

Yes, I wear this out in public. It’s the best!

On that note, it’s back to work for me.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

 

Sometimes, it’s just luck.

I’ve been ridiculously busy the last few days. Between work, school, and working on this short documentary, I’ve been running around like a crazy person.

As a result, my gym-attendance has been sporadic and my eating habits have been decent, but not perfect. I was smart to cook ahead at the start of the week, so I’ve been relatively healthy for my lunches and dinners, but I still find myself raiding the candy drawer during the more stressful moments in the office.

And there have been a lot of them this week.

Miraculously, though, the scale has progressively gone down the last few days. The weight I had gained [that nearly sent me into a tailspin of depression] a couple of weeks ago appears to be sliding off as quickly as it snuck up on me. I’m both relieved and perplexed.

How, exactly, does that happen?

They always say a watched pot never boils. Does the same apply to weight loss? The more I watch the scale, the less it moves?

Could my utter distraction and inconsistency really be the key to gaining control over the teetering number that is my weight?

Hmmmmm.

That’s definitely something to ponder.

I’m going to apologize now for cutting this post short, but I’ve just yawned four times in a row and I’m pretty sure I’ve unhinged my jaw. I promise, my lack of sleep will pay off very soon, as I am pretty confident that I’ve finished the editing of my documentary this evening and should be posting it on the the blog tomorrow.

I will leave you with this note – sometimes, good things happen because you work hard for them. You bust your butt, you take the necessary steps, and you make the required sacrifices. But, sometimes, it’s just plain luck. I’m attributing this week’s weight loss to the latter.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

An Outtake

Whew.

I’m exhausted today. And feeling a little bloated from all of the junk food I had to “stage-bite” last night for photos.

Who am I kidding?

I totally ate two Reese’s cups purely because I wanted ’em. Yum! And I’d do it again, too.

It’s going to take me a few days to edit all of the footage from our filming last night, but I did want to post an outtake to give a little sneak-peak for how the documentary will look.

Enjoy:

Huge thanks to my friend Emily [times 1,000,000] for all of her help. I owe her the world.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Filming is COMPLETE!

This evening, I completed the filming for my mini-documentary for this blog.

It was emotional, vulnerable, and beautiful.

I am blessed to have a great friend who called in favors to design the studio, use professional lighting and filming equipment, and provide moral support as I bared my heart [and ridiculously pale skin] to the world.

It will take a few days to sort through all of the footage, make the necessary edits, do the narration, and get the video ready to present, but I can tell you my heart is fit to bursting from the love and support I’ve already received with the start of this project.

I hope to have the video fully edited and ready to post no later than this Friday.

Thank you for your patience and bon appetit, my friends.

~ Tori

Logic > Emotion?

Another confession: today is a very, very low day for me.

After several days of NOT stressing about food and pretty much just eating what I wanted to [still relatively healthy, but larger portions], I hopped on the scale today.

Four pounds up. In less than three days since my last weigh-in.

Logically, I know this is NOT possible. I would have had to consume more than 14,000 calories (3,500 calories per pound gained) over what I needed to survive in order to put on this much weight. Not to mention that I exercised substantially in the last few days – kickball, over an hour on the elliptical, running errands –  it’s just not physically possible that I’ve gained a solid four pounds of fat.

Logically, I understand this.

Emotionally, I’m in tatters.

I’m mad at myself.

I feel guilty.

I feel fat.

Disgusting.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

This is the emotional roller coaster all yo-yo dieters face. We have our ups. We have our downs.

Today is a down.

I am blessed that I have a husband who, amazingly, understands. He had been overweight as a kid and, as a result, he can empathize with my struggle on a deeper level than most.

Instead of letting me sink into a depression, he’s taking me out. We’re going to drive around and look at properties [we’ve been house-hunting for a while] and then hit the farmer’s market for fresh, organic vegetables and fruits. We’re going to savor the cooler weather and the sunlight.

We’re not going to let a number on the scale ruin an otherwise perfect day.

Can logic overpower emotion?

Today, I’m going to find out.

~ Tori

Eat Right 4 Your Blood Type

A few years ago, my mother-in-law introduced me to the concept of eating for your blood type. There’s a diet for that? Yup.

Basically, the book consists of four specialized diets which cater to the four major blood types: O, A, B, and AB.

As an A+ bloodtype [and GPA, I might add!], the book detailed that a vegetarian diet was the ideal program for me. Woohoo! I prefer a meatless diet, so this seemed like a perfect plan. My husband, having read over the book with me, decided he wanted to try to eat for his blood type, as well. He is an O.

Crap. The meat-eater.

Well, this was going to be interesting. Two opposite diets trying to coexist in the same household. Could it work?

Since I’m the main cook for the household [AKA, my husband only knows how to make scrambled eggs and flip a burger on the grill], I decided to review the food items that we’re shared between the two diets and try to prepare meals that worked for both of us.

Ummmm, yeah. That really limited our options.

Per the O-bloodtype diet plan, carbs were the enemy. [Boy, that sounds familiar.] His diet should be primarily composed of lean meats, green vegetables, and limited sugars, even from natural fruit. My diet plan was filled with soy, veggies of all colors, and strictly forbade most dairy products.

Together, we could eat broccoli. Awesome. Well, we were guaranteed to lose weight, that’s for sure.

So I decided to look at the column of foods that were “allowed,” but were suggested to be eaten in extreme moderation between both diets. That opened up chicken, eggs, and a larger variety of shared vegetables. Well, at least we had some commonalities.

Over the next four weeks, my husband dropped weight like a champ. Living on primarily grilled steak and chicken, along with roasted asparagus, zucchini, and broccoli, the weight fell off of him like water. Considering he wasn’t overweight to begin with, we were both stunned at how great he looked.

On the other hand, I was eating a diet comprised primarily of miso soup, pineapple, grapefruit juice, buckwheat noodles, and lots and lots of tofu. I gained six pounds. Huh.

Needless to say, I dropped the diet plan pretty quickly, going for a balanced nutrition plan that included lean meats back into the equation. One of the hardest things I’ve noticed with any vegan, vegetarian, or meatless diet plan is that I find it very hard to feel full, even when consuming meat alternatives. As a result, I tend to overeat, gorging myself with fruits and grains to try and satiate the hunger that never fully goes away.

Perhaps this is why I keep having bad results with any diet that fully prohibits any food group? Maybe it’s purely psychological; the moment you restrict a food, it’s all I want to eat. And, since I can’t have it, I find myself inhaling the foods I can have, trying to recreate the pleasure and satisfaction I assume the off-limit food would have provided.

Hmmmmm. Might have stumbled upon something interesting here.

Will explore that in a later post.

As for now, bon appetit!

~ Tori