Scale, be gone!

A very interesting thing has happened.

In packing and moving this past week, I accidentally packed up the digital scale from the bathroom. Since we’re not officially moving into the new place until next weekend, I had planned to keep it out and visible until the last day, as it’s essential [for me] to know where I stand with my weight.

But yeah. It’s gone.

I’ve gone the last 24 hours without a scale. For most people, that’s not a very long time. How many times does the average, healthy person weight themselves? Once per day? Once per week? Only at regular check-ups at the doctor’s office?

For me, it can be five to six times per day.

Depending on what I ate [or didn’t eat] that particular day, it could be so much more.

At the minimum, I weight myself every morning. It’s the first thing I do. Before brushing my teeth, before giving my husband a kiss, I step on the scale.

Those three to five seconds before my weight registers are so stressful.

Will today be a good day?

Those little numbers light up on the digital screen, either validating my existence or telling me that I’m the lowest, most vile and disgusting human being to every walk the earth.

It’s amazing what numbers can do.

Well, for the last 24 hours, I’ve been scaleless. Due to my own accidental placement during a packing frenzy, I’ve freed myself, if only temporarily, from my in-house judgment.

I got up this morning, in my usual hazy stupor and trudged to the bathroom, only to see that little shadow on the tile floor where the scale used to be. So, instead of my morning ego-check, I climbed back into bed, snuggled with my husband, and thought about my plans for the day.

No stress.

No superficial joy.

No hate for myself, manifested by little black numbers on a backlit LED screen.

It was a very freeing experience. While I don’t trust myself to be able to give up the scale permanently, I don’t think I’ll be in a rush to unpack it. I kind of liked this… normal… morning.

Hmmmmmmm. Now what’s for breakfast?

Bon appetit,

~ Tori

 

Wait, weight, wait!

I made the executive decision NOT to weigh myself this morning.

After a weekend of eating, boozing, and general laziness [celebrating my anniversary], I decided the scale would likely not be my best friend this morning. The fact that I had a muffin top with every pair of dress pants I tried on confirmed that fact.

It’s amazing how quickly you can regain weight that you struggled for months to lose. It’s astounding how a weekend of scarfing whatever you want and skipping the gym can show an immediate impact on how your body looks and feels.

Why can’t weight WAIT?

Why is it always in such a rush to return?

It’s like an overly attached lover. The second it leaves you, howling and screaming as it’s dragged off, it seeks any opportunity it can to race back to your hips – literally. And oh, God forbid you make the tiniest slip with that ex-lover and welcome him in your door one night, either out of self-pity or defiance – you’ll never get him out again.

I am in a constant hate:apathy relationship with my weight. I either hate it or I don’t give a crap about it. Right now, I hate the fact that I haven’t given a crap about it for so long. Out of pure passivity, I let that ex-lover back into my life and now he’s taken to filling my bureau with his crap and settling in for a long stay.

Time for an eviction, folks.

Let’s do this!

Today’s weight: 142.6?

[this is a guess, since I didn’t weigh myself this morning]

Goal by 5.5.2013: 130-132.

Salads, cardio, and no sweets for the next three weeks!

~ Tori

 

Logic > Emotion?

Another confession: today is a very, very low day for me.

After several days of NOT stressing about food and pretty much just eating what I wanted to [still relatively healthy, but larger portions], I hopped on the scale today.

Four pounds up. In less than three days since my last weigh-in.

Logically, I know this is NOT possible. I would have had to consume more than 14,000 calories (3,500 calories per pound gained) over what I needed to survive in order to put on this much weight. Not to mention that I exercised substantially in the last few days – kickball, over an hour on the elliptical, running errands –  it’s just not physically possible that I’ve gained a solid four pounds of fat.

Logically, I understand this.

Emotionally, I’m in tatters.

I’m mad at myself.

I feel guilty.

I feel fat.

Disgusting.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

This is the emotional roller coaster all yo-yo dieters face. We have our ups. We have our downs.

Today is a down.

I am blessed that I have a husband who, amazingly, understands. He had been overweight as a kid and, as a result, he can empathize with my struggle on a deeper level than most.

Instead of letting me sink into a depression, he’s taking me out. We’re going to drive around and look at properties [we’ve been house-hunting for a while] and then hit the farmer’s market for fresh, organic vegetables and fruits. We’re going to savor the cooler weather and the sunlight.

We’re not going to let a number on the scale ruin an otherwise perfect day.

Can logic overpower emotion?

Today, I’m going to find out.

~ Tori