dieter

Wait, weight, wait!

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I made the executive decision NOT to weigh myself this morning.

After a weekend of eating, boozing, and general laziness [celebrating my anniversary], I decided the scale would likely not be my best friend this morning. The fact that I had a muffin top with every pair of dress pants I tried on confirmed that fact.

It’s amazing how quickly you can regain weight that you struggled for months to lose. It’s astounding how a weekend of scarfing whatever you want and skipping the gym can show an immediate impact on how your body looks and feels.

Why can’t weight WAIT?

Why is it always in such a rush to return?

It’s like an overly attached lover. The second it leaves you, howling and screaming as it’s dragged off, it seeks any opportunity it can to race back to your hips – literally. And oh, God forbid you make the tiniest slip with that ex-lover and welcome him in your door one night, either out of self-pity or defiance – you’ll never get him out again.

I am in a constant hate:apathy relationship with my weight. I either hate it or I don’t give a crap about it. Right now, I hate the fact that I haven’t given a crap about it for so long. Out of pure passivity, I let that ex-lover back into my life and now he’s taken to filling my bureau with his crap and settling in for a long stay.

Time for an eviction, folks.

Let’s do this!

Today’s weight: 142.6?

[this is a guess, since I didn’t weigh myself this morning]

Goal by 5.5.2013: 130-132.

Salads, cardio, and no sweets for the next three weeks!

~ Tori

 

Cleaned out the pantry, made a Paleo recipe!

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The last three weeks my husband and I have been making a conscious effort to eat some of the “miscellaneous items” out of our pantry before we move into our new house. Less to carry, less wasted.

After three weeks of eating all of the good stuff, we’ve been reduced to the interesting remainders on the back of the shelf. You know what I’m talking about: those random cans of tomato puree and diced succotash and other strange pabulum that you bought because they were on clearance sale or because you saw some really posh person put in their cart so you figured it must be delicious.

So, yeah. Dinner has been an interesting event in our house the last few nights.

Feeling creative this morning, I threw the following items into the crockpot, set it on low, and let it cook all day:

  • 1 can of Hunts diced tomatoes, Garlic flavor
  • 1 can of tomato puree
  • 1 jar of Bertolli basil marinara
  • 1/2 bottle of leftover Cabernet Sauvignon
  • 2 cans chopped button mushrooms
  • 1 small jar [approx 12 oz] of artichoke hearts [I’ve always wondered what I was going to do with those.]
  • 1 can of drained black olives
  • 1 jar of roasted red pepper [approx 10oz]
  • 2 cans of organic chunk chicken, well drained
  • 4 tbsp dried onion flakes
  • 4 tbsp dried basil
  • 4 tbsp dried, roasted garlic slivers
  • 2 tbsp oregano

When I got home, my house smelled like Buca di Beppo. It was amazing. Since my husband wouldn’t be home for a while and I wasn’t really hungry yet, I decided to add a bag of baby carrots and two chopped zucchini to the mix, letting it cook for another hour.

Inadvertently, I seemed to have made one of the best pasta sauces in the world. It’s incredible.

The sauce is rich and flavorful, but extremely low in fat. The tastes seem to deeply concentrate in the crockpot – I didn’t add a single speck of salt to the dish in any way.

I decided to serve the sauce over my last three bags of spinach Miracle Noodles [looks funny, tastes great!] and I’ve been in olfactory/gustatory Heaven ever since! Amazing!

And, coincidentally enough – it’s Paleo-friendly. A win:win!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

The Plithe of the Bridesmaid

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So… just tried on my bridesmaid’s dress for my brother-in-law’s upcoming wedding. It zips – except for the last stubborn 1.5 inches.

CRAP.

The wedding is on May 5th, which means I have less than 30 days to make this dress fit. My guess is that I could stand to drop 5 lbs, which is roughly what I’ve put on since the last time I was fitted.

Normally, I would just switch to “hardcore diet” mode, but here’s my dilemma:

This weekend is my 6th wedding anniversary.

Which means I’ll be eating out, skipping the gym, and swooning over my stud muffin of a husband – not working out. Did I mention eating? Love and chocolate are synonymous in my book.

Following my anniversary, I’ll be moving into my new house the next weekend. Which means all my dishes are packed, Lord knows where my tennis shoes are at the moment, and I’ll probably be eating fast food, just because it’s the quickest and easiest thing to grab.

This doesn’t seem like the recipe for weight loss success, does it?

In all likelihood, this dress is bound to get TIGHTER in the next two weeks versus looser. Which means I’ll be working at an even bigger deficit when I get back to normal and probably will be working to shed 7-8 lbs in less than two weeks.

I’m in trouble.

Hoping for a miracle… or the stomach flu,

~ Tori

I might be too old for Forever 21

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Thanks primarily to the Paleo Diet, a good workout regime, and intermittent stress, I’ve managed to get down to a size 6 and stay there for a solid year. With that strong track record, I decided it was time to splurge and update my wardrobe a bit. I always wait a few months at a new size before shopping, as I never know how my body will respond and if the weight will truly stay off. After 12 months, I figured my body had given up the fight and would let me enjoy the size for a while

Last week, I went on a shopping blitz, purchasing a bunch of hip, trendy, and cute clothing from Forever 21 online. Surprisingly, they have a lot of professional clothing which, since I have short legs, manages to be appropriate for the office despite the deceiving appearances of their skirts on their beanpole models.

Since I was shopping online, I checked their measurements against my own and ordered appropriately.

Hmmmm. I should have checked the HIPS to WAIST ratio a bit closer.

Nearly 99% of the skirts/dresses fit perfect on the waist [some of the size 6’s are loose!] but several of them are SHRINK-WRAPPED around my bottom half. Literally, the material is so tight around my hips and thighs, it looks tattooed on for many of these items.

Evidence, Exhibit A:

Even my husband said, "Ummm. I don't know if this brand is a good choice for work clothing." After a pause, he added: "Your butt looks good."

Even my husband said, “Ummm. I don’t know if this brand is a good choice for work clothing.” After a pause, he added: “Your butt looks good, though.”

Huh. Now, I’ve never considered myself disproportionate in any way. In fact, I’ve never really had any body issues with my hips before. Most clothing has always fit my waist and hips with equal snugness, so shopping has never really been an issue, other than the normal panic over the size in general.

Well, per Forever 21’s standards, I’m pear-shaped.

Are people really supposed to be the same width at their waist as they are at their hips?

That doesn’t seem right.

Instead of thinking something was wrong with me and my body, I decided that I probably don’t fall into Forever 21’s normal clientele [hence, the name] and they likely design and market to the pre-pubsecent population with more gusto than the almost-30 generation like myself.

With that said… I think I may be a tad too old for Forever 21, but just the right age for my body.

Off to the mall to make returns!

~ Tori

Paleo Friendly?

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I’m on day three of my “back to Paleo!” crusade and I’ve already cheated.

Hmph. I didn’t even make it 72 hours.

Yesterday, my husband and I were invited to a special “Sake Tasting” at a high-end Japanese restaurant here in Orlando. We accepted happily, eager for an excuse to skip the gym and excited to get a chance to network with some local foodies.

Little did we know that the sake tasting included a ten-course dinner plus overflowing glasses of FIVE different sakes. OVERFLOWING.

Did I mention we got the invite 60 seconds after we finished eating dinner? Yeaaaah.

We had no idea, prior to our arrival, that we were about to sit down for a glutinous gorge fest, tasting some of the richest, most delectable sushi, sashimi, and desserts on top of guzzling sweet sake by the gallon.

On top of full stomachs.

Sadly, we ate almost every bite of everything put in front of us. The food was just TOO good to sample.

On the plus side, since this was a high-end restaurant, most of the portions were very small. The average dish could be consumed in 3-4 bites. Of course, when you eat 10 dishes, the calories still add up. I don’t even want to know how much we ate. All I can say is this: the scale was NOT my friend this morning.

Despite that setback this morning, I’ve managed to eat very little, but mostly bad foods. A banana for breakfast, two mini hershey’s chocolate bars, and handful of nuts, a chocolate cupcake [yum!], and some Ritz crackers.

Yeah, I don’t think ANY of that was Paleo-friendly.

And you know what? I don’t care.

It tasted good, especially during a stressful day at work. I’ll be hitting the gym once I leave, during which point I’ll more than make up for my debauchery. I’ll finish the night with a hearty salad when I get home, so it all works out.

72 hours… that’s better than some of my previous attempts!

I’ll do better tomorrow.

~ Tori

New Diet Monday!

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You guessed it. It’s Monday! Thus starts the commitment to a new diet.

In this case, it’s an old diet. I’m recommitting to the Paleo Diet [I’ve been cheating a LOT lately, thank you EASTER CANDY!] but I’m combining it with calorie counting, as I’ve been over indulging in the “good foods” so much that they’ve turned into bad ones.

For example:

One handful of raw almonds = good.

One BAG of raw almonds = bad.

With that in mind, I’ve dusted off the ol’ login information for http://www.myfitnesspal.com and set a calorie goal of 1,300 per day to keep me on track.

I forgot how quickly 1,300 calories can be used up! Especially if you enjoy raw nuts as a snack throughout the day. This is going to be a balancing act, to say the least.

It is nice, however, to be tracking my exercise again. I’m less likely to skip the gym if I plug my workouts in at the start of the day. Once it’s in writing, it feels too permanent – too absolute – to delete. So I go.

If I plug in 90 mins of cardio, I do 90 mins of cardio.

If I plug in a kickboxing class, I take the evening kickboxing class.

Plug in wrestling a gorilla? Dang it, I’ll find a gorilla and wrestle that jerk. [I’m assuming he’s a jerk but he’s probably a nice gorilla just trying to hug me.]

Funny how keeping a diary – especially a public one, like My Fitness Pal – makes you more accountable. Knowing that several of my friends and coworkers can see my food journal, my exercise journal, and even my public body stats [currently posted: weight, waist, and hips] makes me feel that much more committed to sticking with a plan.

And right now, I need the commitment, because my will power has been slacking.

On that note, I think it’s time for a snack! 🙂

~ Tori

 

An Apology

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I’ve been very bad about posting lately, mainly because I’ve been very bad in real life. I’ve eaten candy by the handful, gone to the gym sporadically [if at all], and have basically spent the past two weeks not really caring about my body.

“Not caring” is probably being too generous.

I’ve been downright TERRIBLE to my body.

It’s been a weird time in my life. I’ve had a lot of feelings lately, up and down. Between the loss of a close friend, a recent increase of job responsibilities, and now the upcoming close on my first home, I’ve been all over the emotional spectrum.

As a result, I’ve found myself returning to old habits.

Binging.

Purging.

Binging again.

I’m ashamed of myself. I’m mad at myself. And I feel sorry.

Not sorry for myself, per se, but sorry for the damage I’ve caused my body. Sorry for the step back after so many steps forward. Sorry for the implications this has on the people that have supported me, loved me, and been there to fight alongside me.

There is just something about sadness…

It makes me eat.

And eat and eat and eat.

FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.

Once the joy from the binge ends… the pain sets in. Physical discomfort from the sheer quantity of food. Emotional pain from the guilt and shame I feel for slipping.

And the only cure I can accept for that self-inflicted pain is self-inflicted punishment.

PUNISHMENT.

Two wrongs make it right? No. But it’s what I do.

So I apologize… to you, to my body, and to myself.

Tomorrow will be better,

~ Tori

The Path to Recovery

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After a week of stress-eating and skipping the gym, Monday brings a beautiful sunrise and a fresh look on life.

Last week, my husband and I lost a very close friend. In response to the pain, I ate.

And ate. And ate.

Did I mention EATING? I haven’t heard my stomach growl in over a week.

I stood on the scale today and wasn’t shocked to see the gain:

Nearly 5 pounds up.

Before, this would have been enough to put me into a spiraling depression. Fortunately, my view on life has changed dramatically as a result of the loss.

I shrugged it off, hopped off the scale, and continued getting ready for my day.

WOW.

I know an eating disorder isn’t cured over night. I also know that I will always, in the back of my mind, struggle over my weight, my eating habits, and my workout routines.

However, I would definitely say that I’m on a solid path to recovery. And I owe that to my dear friend, Greg. Rest in peace, brother.

Bon appetit, my friends,

~ Tori

Paleo Egg Pie

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Weird title, I know. I can’t really call it a quiche, though, because it doesn’t have a crust.

We’ve had company in town this week and I’ve been trying to prepare both delicious, economic [boys can eat!], and still Paleo-friendly meals daily.

The first day, I laid out a feast – huge pans of scrambled eggs, a heaping plate of turkey bacon, sauteed sweet potatoes with onions, toast [both regular and coconut-bread, for me!], fresh fruit salad, organic yogurt, etc.

We had a lot of potatoes leftover and I didn’t want to just microwave them and reserve them [for shame, hostess!], so I got a little creative and made “Paleo Egg Pie.” Recipe below:

  • Approx 2 sweet potatoes, chopped into 1″ pieces.
  • 1/2 sweet onion, diced
  • 6 turkey sausages, chopped into small pieces
  • 1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
  • 2/3 can diced tomatoes w/ chilis, drained well
  • 1/2 cup shredded pepper jack Daiya alternative cheese
  • 2 tbsp virgin, cold-pressed coconut oil

To start, microwave the chopped potatoes for about 90 seconds. This will reduce your cooking time IMMENSELY. Seriously, I do this with all potato recipes.

Place large skillet on stove. I had it around 60% heat. Throw the coconut oil into the pan and allow to melt. Add the onion and mushrooms and saute until transparent and tender. Add the potato and turn the heat up to around 80%. This will sear it a bit and make it nice and crispy on the outside.

Reduce the temperature back to 60% and add your chopped turkey sausage. I use the pre-cooked kind, so I’m basically just warming it up. Add the tomato/pepper mixture and stir until everything is heated through. At this point, I quickly scrambled 3 whole eggs and 3 egg whites and then poured the mixture over top of the pan. Make sure everything is evenly coated [all pan surface needs to be hidden.] If your pan is larger than the standard skillet, feel free to up this recipe to 8 eggs.

Sprinkle the Daiya cheese on top, reduce the heat to LOW, and cover the pan. Let sit for about 5-6 minutes, or until eggs set. Once set, remove pan from stove and slice into triangles, much like you would a pie. I served this with fresh salsa, chopped avocado, green onions, and more daiya cheese. The boys had NO CLUE it was Paleo!

For those who prefer more spice, feel free to add chili powder directly to the scrambled eggs and even some diced jalapeno into the mix!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Paleo Apple Cobbler… sort of.

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Seeking out comfort foods, I came up with the following recipe out of desperation and a desire to use those last few granny smith apples sitting in the fruit basket.

Not-Your-Granny’s Apple Cobbler:

  • 4 green apples, sliced and cored. [I left the skins on, but most people would probably remove them. I’m lazy.]
  • 1/2 chopped walnuts
  • 1/3 cup craisins
  • 1 cup Blue Diamond unsweetened vanilla almond milk. [only 30 cals per cup!]
  • 2 tbsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tbsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup raw honey

I literally just mixed this all together, threw it into my crockpot on low, and let it slow simmer for about four hours. When I got home, I topped it with So Delicious Vanilla Bean Coconut ice cream (no sugar added) and dug in.

It was sinfully good and the walnuts gave it a slight crunch and buttery texture, so I didn’t miss the crust at all. And this was ridiculously easy to prepare, with leftovers to enjoy for breakfast tomorrow! Not bad for a “what’s left in the pantry” concoction, if I do say so myself!