Life Update

OK, I have been terrible about posting on here recently, but I did want to give some updates.

For one, I’m still having a hard time keeping my diet in check. I eat upward of 2,000 calories every day, though – except for candy – the majority of it comes from healthy food. With my 20-21 hour working days, I just can’t seem to control my appetite. I eat, and eat, and eat – and still want more food.

My weight hovers between 127-130, which really upsets me — considering I got down to 123.8 back in June — but at least it’s not spiraling out of control, which is how I FEEL about it.

I’ve definitely not being sticking with the Paleo diet as much as I’d like, though I’m pretty good about avoiding wheat (bread, pasta, etc), as I’ve never been a big fan of those carbs anyhow. I’ve cheated a bit here and there with rice and quinoa (Van’s Gluten-Free Mighty BBQ chips are an addiction), but otherwise my real weakness has been chocolate and overall quantity of food.

Chocolate. Jesus. So much chocolate.

I’ve also taken to drinking more… which is not good, but so good at the same time:

epcotdrink

My hope is to continue to seek balance and to get back on board with some sort of regimen before I really do lose control of my size/weight (more than I have already). I can feel/see that my tummy is a bit pudgier and my thighs jiggle-wiggle more than they did a few weeks ago, so it’s definitely causing panic.

Yikes.

On that note, bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Games With My Head

OK, now my body (and the scale) is just playing games with me.

As you may have seen with yesterday’s post, my weight jumped up six pounds in six days, a feat of fat-lardiness that had never been experienced before. It was a glorious fatxplosion of self-hatred and jiggle when I hopped off of the scale in the morning and I carried that stress/anxiety/anger throughout most of the day.

Fatxplosion (n): Like a regular explosion, only meatier. Photo Credit: http://images.alphacoders.com/528/52831.jpg

Fatxplosion (n):

Like a regular explosion, only meatier.

Photo Credit: http://images.alphacoders.com/528/52831.jpg

Understandably, I was freaking the *bleep* out yesterday.

I ate relatively well (except for a small bowl of coconut ice cream post-gym) yesterday and expected to see nominal difference on the scale today, because that’s just how my life normally works as a yo-yo dieter.

Consumed: 1,453 (damn ice cream) Burned: 999 (couldn't round up, could it?)

Consumed: 1,453 (damn ice cream)
Burned: 999 (couldn’t round up, could it?)

This morning, I was 135.6.

Granted, it’s not the beautiful 133.8 I was last Monday, but it’s down four pounds overnight (did the pudge-fairy visit last night?) and I felt somewhat better compared to yesterday. At least last week’s week-long diet faux-pas hadn’t truly destroyed all of the my success from the month.

So that’s something.

I am getting a bit annoyed with the head-games the scale (my weight) has been playing with me lately. The ups, the downs. It’s enough to drive a girl insane! I think I may try to avoid weighing myself again until Friday so I can actually see true change versus the “tide” movements of my water weight.

Until then, bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Physically Impossible? Not for me.

So, the trend of good Mondays has come to an end.

After nearly four weeks of intensive work at the gym and eating right, I managed to completely ruin/sabotage my success in just a few days.

CONGRATS TO ME!

You think I’m exaggerating, but let’s compare last Tuesday (8/20/2013) to this Monday (8/26/2013).

Last Tuesday, the scale read: 133.8.

I was so happy, I even took a picture of it:

Ah, sweet memories.

Ah, sweet memories.

It was a momentous occasion. I was officially lower than I had been since 5th grade.

This morning, the scale read 139.2.

The difference?

I still hit the gym five days last week. Each time, I burned no less than 400 calories, most days over 1,000 calories.

The only difference was that I cut myself slack on a few days with my diet. I let myself splurge and now I’m paying the consequences. I gave myself an inch and my f*cking weight took the whole damn mile.

Here’s the breakdown of my calories last week, care of MyFitnessPal.com. Let me know when you spot the downward trend:

Monday 8/19/2013:

Consumed: 1,227. Burned: 1,130

Consumed: 1,227.
Burned: 1,130

Tuesday 8/20/2013:

Consumed: 2,085 (bad!) Burned: 1,050 (at least it cancelled out)

Consumed: 2,085 (bad!)
Burned: 1,050 (at least it cancelled out)

Wednesday 8/21/2013:

Consumed: 1,822 Burned: 423 (Starting to notice a trend here? Yeaaah.)

Consumed: 1,822
Burned: 423
(Starting to notice a trend here? Yeaaah.)

Thursday 8/22/2013:

Consumed: 1,271 Burned: 1,051 (Am I back on the straight and narrow?! Redemption!)

Consumed: 1,271
Burned: 1,051
(Am I back on the straight and narrow?! Redemption!)

Friday 8/23/2013:

Consumed: 2,380 Burned: 851 (It's Friday. My only cheat day, I promise.... right?)

Consumed: 2,380
Burned: 851
(It’s Friday. My only cheat day, I promise…. right?)

Saturday 8/24/2013:

Consumed: 3,710 Burned: 67 (Oh, for fuck's sake. I literally consumed a pound of excess calories today.)

Consumed: 3,710
Burned: 67
(Oh, for fuck’s sake. I literally consumed a pound of excess calories today.)

Sunday 8/25/2013:

Consumed: 1,907 Burned: 91 (Might as well enjoy the morbid obesity.)

Consumed: 1,907
Burned: 91
(Might as well enjoy the morbid obesity.)

 

Yes, I was very bad last week. But, in doing the math, assuming I need 1,500 calories daily to MAINTAIN my weight and anything over that (that I don’t burn off) results in weight gain, how did I GAIN SIX POUNDS?!?!

Mathematically, it doesn’t make sense.

I consumed a total of 14,397 calories last week. (That just SOUNDS horrific).

Assuming 1,500 to live (and not factoring in my exercise) I should have not consumed more than 10,500. That puts me at a surplus of 3,897 calories – roughly a 1.5 pound weight gain if I round up.

However, adding in my burned calories, which was roughly 4,663 in total cardiovascular/strength exercises (not counting the normal day-to-day living stuff), I should STILL BE AT A DEFICIT for the week.

I should be at: -766 calories for the week net. I should have stayed around the same weight or even have lost an ounce or two.

BUT NO.

No, not my body. I’m up SIX GOD DAMN POUNDS.

I could punch something. I’m debating punching myself.

People often tease me for how regimented I am. For the fact that I count every calorie and obsess over what I put in my mouth. Do you SEE now why I have to do this?! Is this not proof? I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted for 50% of last week – and still hit the gym hard five days in a row – and I’m up the weight of a god damn baby!

Is there a food baby in my lower intestine or something?! A beautiful, rosy-cheeked six pound LARD BABY rolling around in my duodenum?

UGHHHHHHH.

So angry. So frustrated. So ready to kick this week’s ass.

You thought I was hardcore before… watch me.

~ Tori