So, the trend of good Mondays has come to an end.
After nearly four weeks of intensive work at the gym and eating right, I managed to completely ruin/sabotage my success in just a few days.
CONGRATS TO ME!
You think I’m exaggerating, but let’s compare last Tuesday (8/20/2013) to this Monday (8/26/2013).
Last Tuesday, the scale read: 133.8.
I was so happy, I even took a picture of it:
Ah, sweet memories.
It was a momentous occasion. I was officially lower than I had been since 5th grade.
This morning, the scale read 139.2.
I still hit the gym five days last week. Each time, I burned no less than 400 calories, most days over 1,000 calories.
The only difference was that I cut myself slack on a few days with my diet. I let myself splurge and now I’m paying the consequences. I gave myself an inch and my f*cking weight took the whole damn mile.
Here’s the breakdown of my calories last week, care of MyFitnessPal.com. Let me know when you spot the downward trend:
Consumed: 2,085 (bad!)
Burned: 1,050 (at least it cancelled out)
(Starting to notice a trend here? Yeaaah.)
(Am I back on the straight and narrow?! Redemption!)
(It’s Friday. My only cheat day, I promise…. right?)
(Oh, for fuck’s sake. I literally consumed a pound of excess calories today.)
(Might as well enjoy the morbid obesity.)
Yes, I was very bad last week. But, in doing the math, assuming I need 1,500 calories daily to MAINTAIN my weight and anything over that (that I don’t burn off) results in weight gain, how did I GAIN SIX POUNDS?!?!
Mathematically, it doesn’t make sense.
I consumed a total of 14,397 calories last week. (That just SOUNDS horrific).
Assuming 1,500 to live (and not factoring in my exercise) I should have not consumed more than 10,500. That puts me at a surplus of 3,897 calories – roughly a 1.5 pound weight gain if I round up.
However, adding in my burned calories, which was roughly 4,663 in total cardiovascular/strength exercises (not counting the normal day-to-day living stuff), I should STILL BE AT A DEFICIT for the week.
I should be at: -766 calories for the week net. I should have stayed around the same weight or even have lost an ounce or two.
No, not my body. I’m up SIX GOD DAMN POUNDS.
I could punch something. I’m debating punching myself.
People often tease me for how regimented I am. For the fact that I count every calorie and obsess over what I put in my mouth. Do you SEE now why I have to do this?! Is this not proof? I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted for 50% of last week – and still hit the gym hard five days in a row – and I’m up the weight of a god damn baby!
Is there a food baby in my lower intestine or something?! A beautiful, rosy-cheeked six pound LARD BABY rolling around in my duodenum?
So angry. So frustrated. So ready to kick this week’s ass.
You thought I was hardcore before… watch me.