memoirs of a yoyo dieter

The Yo-Yo’s Fall

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It has definitely been a while since I posted, and I have to admit, I’ve been dreading it.

My weight this morning was 148 pounds.

While I know this extra-high number was contributed to by three very salty weekend meals and Aunt Flo, I know that my true weight –which is likely closer to 144 or 145 lbs– is very much a fact.

In the last three years, I’ve managed to put back on 22 lbs from my all-time low in June 2014.

The last ten pounds were packed on in the previous three-four months. No real reason for it, either. My life has been good. I’m not overly stressed, I’m at the tail-end of my graduate degree, and I’m at a really good place in my life. Honestly, I’ve just been overeating and exercising less, and I have no real cause other than a bit of apathy.

As I stared at the scale this morning, though, I decided I was ready to get back on the wagon.

I’m ready to be honest with myself and admit that more of the clothing in my closet is too tight to zip, and that I’m slowly slipping back into my pre-2013 dresses; a weight/size I’m not OK with and don’t want to get back to.

While I’m still down almost 70 lbs from my all-time high (of 214 lbs), I am not OK with the fact that I’ve let myself take so many steps back from my goal weight and all the success I worked so hard to achieve.

I am back to being transparent with myself: tracking calories, exercising daily, and not eating back the calories I burn. This yo-yo is ready to pull herself back up from the ground and bounce back into the proud, fit, and athletic version of myself that I love a HELL of a lot more than this tubby, tired one I’m dealing with right now.

I’m recommitted to sharing my journey here –the good and the bad– and I’m asking all of you to help me stay transparent.

On that note, it’s time for dinner. A healthy, balanced, and not chocolate-centric dinner.

Bon appetite, my friends!

~ Tori

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Run, Baby, Run

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I’ve been running.

A lot.

After my successful completion of The Great Chocolate Race in early November, I decided to fill the next few weeks with more races. On Thanksgiving, I completed the local Turkey Trot (5k), and this past weekend, I ran in the OUC Half Marathon.


I’m getting faster.

I’m getting stronger.

I’m getting happier.

I’ve basically stopped weighing myself, and I hardly count calories now. I focus on meals as an opportunity to fuel my runs, and, as a result, I find that I obsess less about food and make healthier choices naturally.

I can’t wait for the Walt Disney World Dopey Challenge: just four weeks away!

~ Tori

I Hate You, But I Love You

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Dear Hide and Seek Alarm Clock,

I hate you. No, like, I really hate you.

You’ve ripped me from slumber four days in a row, and you’re planning to do it again tomorrow.

You yellow bastard on wheels.

Between your refulgent disco lights, your blaring, cacophonous siren, and the fact that you THROW YOURSELF OFF OF MY NIGHT STAND AND HIDE UNDER MY BED, you are guaranteed to wake me up, thus breaking a lifelong romance with the snooze button.

You abhorrent piece of cheap plastic and sticky rubber wheels.

I hate you, but I love you SO much.

Because of you, I’ve gone to work with my entire workout already finished, freeing up my evenings for personal time.

Because of you, I’m finding my sleep patterns to be slowly changing, and now I’m going to bed at 11pm versus my normal 1 or 2am.

Because of you, I’m feeling accomplished before the sun rises.

Because of you, my husband is happy as a clam: he no longer has to endure the snooze buttons of the 46 alarms I normally have set on my iPhone (no, seriously, it was bad).

Thanks to you, you wanna-be Roomba, I’m building the habits and behaviors I want, and not settling for the ones I have.

Today was a good day. I ate about 100 calories more than I planned, but I worked out hard and the food was good, so I do not feel guilty. This is life.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Three Days

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Three days of feeding my body.

Three days of being normal.

Three days of planning for – and deeply enjoying – my dessert without guilt.

Three days isn’t much, but it’s big in my world.

Did I mention the Chocolate Halo Top is just heavenly after a sixty minute adventure on the stairmaster? Because it’s lovely, lovely, lovely.

I woke up early today (potty break – too much water in the day) and, since I was strangely awake, I went for a run …and, sort of like Forrest Gump, I sort of kept going just because I felt like it. Almost 12 miles! Just a tiny bit short. I felt so tired, but it was a GOOD tired, and after a shower, I was motivated for work even more than normal.

Shockingly, even 16 hours later, I still feel well-rested and energized. I guess fueling your body right – not over or under feeding it – really does optimize it.

 

I feel strong. I will love myself again, and I’ll do it three days at a time. 🙂

Bon appetit, my friends.

~ Tori

New Year: The End to the Feasting!

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Whew. Holiday eating has been a BEAST!

Resisting temptation has been just about impossible, especially last week! Just check out this Christmas Eve spread:

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And there was actually more food, it just didn’t fit on this table. Cheese (my kryptonite) and seasonal desserts definitely did me in.

Amazingly, thanks to working out (Holiday Hottie Fitness Challenge!) and giving away most of the unhealthy leftovers, I made it through Christmas with minimal gain: I’m sitting at 130.8 lbs even.

Still way up from my summer-time low (of 123.8 lbs, *big sigh*), but not horrific considering the average American gains 12 lbs from Thanksgiving Day until New Year’s Day. I actually haven’t gained over the holidays – I put on my 8 pounds during the Fall (July 28th through October 31st, to be exact), when I tried to balance two full-time jobs!

I only have one more week of temptations to survive: I’m hitting NYC for the New Year! I absolutely CANNOT diet while in New York, of course, as this is really my only chance to try some of the delicacies of the city. Fortunately, I should counteract most of the bad food by the fact that I’ll be walking EVERYWHERE. My husband and I won’t use cab service (unless we have to travel completely across town), and we avoid the subways whenever possible, so we’ll be hiking around Midtown and the surrounding boroughs for a solid five days.

My husband and I did agree on a few rules in NYC to keep the weight gain at bay:

  1. If we can get it in Florida, we’re NOT eating it there.
  2. When dining out, we order one decadent meal and one healthy meal, then split them.
  3. If it’s not pouring rain or more than 2 miles, we’re walking it.
  4. We’ll drink at least 6-8 bottles of water per day. That’ll help with fatigue, cravings, and keep us hydrated in the colder weather.
  5. We’re not skipping breakfast. I actually found a few Groupons/Living Social deals for great breakfast eateries, so we’ll make sure we’re getting fuel into our bodies early in the day.

I plan to start 2015 with a lot of awesome memories and NOT worried about my weight, so I won’t start working on resolutions/ goals for my body and lifestyle until we get back on the 4th. 🙂

Bon appetit, my friends, and Happy New Year!

~ Tori

Life Update

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OK, I have been terrible about posting on here recently, but I did want to give some updates.

For one, I’m still having a hard time keeping my diet in check. I eat upward of 2,000 calories every day, though – except for candy – the majority of it comes from healthy food. With my 20-21 hour working days, I just can’t seem to control my appetite. I eat, and eat, and eat – and still want more food.

My weight hovers between 127-130, which really upsets me — considering I got down to 123.8 back in June — but at least it’s not spiraling out of control, which is how I FEEL about it.

I’ve definitely not being sticking with the Paleo diet as much as I’d like, though I’m pretty good about avoiding wheat (bread, pasta, etc), as I’ve never been a big fan of those carbs anyhow. I’ve cheated a bit here and there with rice and quinoa (Van’s Gluten-Free Mighty BBQ chips are an addiction), but otherwise my real weakness has been chocolate and overall quantity of food.

Chocolate. Jesus. So much chocolate.

I’ve also taken to drinking more… which is not good, but so good at the same time:

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My hope is to continue to seek balance and to get back on board with some sort of regimen before I really do lose control of my size/weight (more than I have already). I can feel/see that my tummy is a bit pudgier and my thighs jiggle-wiggle more than they did a few weeks ago, so it’s definitely causing panic.

Yikes.

On that note, bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori