memoirs of a yo-yo dieter

Monday’s Accountability Report: Back on the Wagon

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OK, I got the pity party out of my system. If you read my earlier post, you probably realize that I had a rough weekend (over-indulgence that led to a dramatic spike on the scale), which nearly sent me into a spiraling depression this morning.

Thanks to the comforting words of some of my blogging friends (I’m looking at you, Want Need Will and you, Keen Peach), I’ve calmed down and climbed back into the saddle. Fitness and wellness is a journey and not a destination, right? I’ll continue to take this one day at a time.

I’ve been mostly good today, with just a little bit of chocolate (seriously, I can’t make it more than 12 hours without SOMETHING chocolatey) and under 1,400 calories consumed.

I had a substantial amount of homework to do in prep for class tomorrow, so I had a window of under 90 minutes to workout (including travel time to and from the gym). With that in mind, I decided to max out on the Stairmaster, doing 60 minutes all out, ranging from 104 to 128 steps per minute. If you’ve never been on the Stairmaster before, let me assure you: that’s a strenuous pace. I almost fell off when I was doing my 60 second sprints at 128 steps/min.

I’ve decided I’m going to be 100% honest with these accountability reports, so here’s the full summary of food log/ exercise log:

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As you can see …I get a lot of veggies in daily, but portions are my challenge. And I sneak sweets in a bit too often, but it’s really hard to resist in my office setting.

Here’s a glimpse at just some of the tasty food I had today:

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And, just in case you doubted the intensity of my workout, here’s my proof:

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Booyah.

Let’s hope the scale is better to me tomorrow.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Halloween: Joy and Challenge

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Like many of you, Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s equally a child’s holiday as it is an adult’s, with only a small age range that chooses not to participate. I remember at 13 saying I was “too old to dress up.”

Man, was I missing out on a lot of fun.

I’d like to go back and slap 13-year-old-self in the face! You get to eat copious amounts of candy without judgement, attend parties, and dress up like anything you want! Come on, young-Tori, don’t be an idiot.

I’m pretty sure the costume stores have double the adult options as they do kiddie choices, and they’re not all “sexy cops” and “sexy nurses,” either. This year, since I’m attending multiple parties, I stocked up on props (fake blood, fake battle wounds, etc) and splurged on a secret costume that I’m going to unveil at a party next weekend.

Last night, I attended an OUTBREAK Survivor Party, so the majority of our costumes were zombie themed. I had fun with the makeup and shirt-decoration last night:

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So, what’s the downside to all of this partying and costume menagerie?

THE FOOD.

At the beginning of last week, I had gotten down to my all-time low of 130.6. I’ve never seen the scale dip that close to the blessed 120s and I was ecstatic.  As usual, I took a picture because I could hardly believe it:

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As you can imagine, though, I’m no where near that number today.

After almost two weeks of snacking on candy at work and then attending a few parties consisting of fried foods, chips, and lots of frothy beverages, my weight this morning is back up to 134.

SIGH.

It’s just a never-ending cycle. With holidays always a part of life – and the desire to splurge when around friends – it makes it really hard to come to an equilibrium with my body. I’m regimented for weeks, then destroy my efforts in a few days of all-out eating.  I’m not going to cut my friends out of my life. I’m not going to convert to Jehovah’s Witness to avoid the celebration of holidays. So what’s a yo-yo to do?

Well, I can tell you what this yo-yo is going to do today:

  • Have a cup of coffee to shake off the remaining effects of yesterday’s party.
  • Search for my make-up remover, as the good ol’ soap and water used on my face doesn’t seem to have gotten off all of the blood. I look rabid at the moment.
  • Hit the gym.
  • Eat as healthy as I can while recognizing that it’s the month of candy and I’m not going to escape it.
  • Enjoy a beautiful Florida day.

Halloween is both my joy and my challenge and I’ve decided I’m just going to roll with it today and not let a slight increase on the scale bring me down.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

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Graduation Day: The Dream Dress!

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Graduation Day: The Dream Dress!

As promised to those who have followed the blog for several weeks, here is the photo of me in my size four graduation dress.

I worked hard to get into this sucker.

  • Hitting the gym 5-6 days per week,
  • Sticking to my Paleo diet, and
  • Not letting my stress trigger a binge as it so frequently can when it compounds.

When I started the program (my second Bachelors degree) in March 2011, I was a wearing a size ten.

In many ways, I am a completely transformed person as a result of my college experience. An instructor in my junior year encouraged me to start this blog and create my documentary (in which I  admitted to my bulimia) and that transparency with the world has helped me to gain better control of my eating disorder. Knowing that all of you, now thousands of readers, are sharing in my world and are aware of my struggles, I’ve found a greater strength inside me that helps me generate will power when I need it the most.

I am wiser, I am more passionate and creative, and I am physically half the woman I used to be.

I’ll take it.

Bon appetit, my friends!

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Humbled

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In the last 48 hours, I shared my story with Huffington Post and Daily Mail.

I shared the ups and downs of my weight loss, the on-going journey I’ve been on, and how it has emotionally impacted my life for nearly thirty years.

Then, this morning, I went to a theme park with friends, oblivious for what was to come.

I had no idea how many people would be impacted by reading my story. I kept feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket and finally, around 12pm, I decided to check it.

Thirty new people had liked my Facebook fan page.

Over 800 people per hour were visiting my blog.

And people were sending me personal messages and comments, telling me how my story touched them and how they could empathize with my struggle.

I had no idea so many people shared the same pain. The same joy. The same fight with numbers on a scale.

To my new friends, to my old friends – thank you for your support. I want you to know that you are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out, for showing compassion, kindness, and love to someone you do not know. I am humbled by the messages I’ve received and the personal notes that have been left on the comments section of several of my posts.

You – yes, YOU – are proof that society will one day supersede the superficial tendencies it has adopted and that intelligence, altruism, and acceptance will prevail. Until then, we’ll just have to learn to love ourselves, to nourish and take care of our bodies, and to surround ourselves with genuine people. I’m blessed that I’m on the path to all three.

On that note, bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

It fit!

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By some miracle of God [and a few last minute workouts], the bridesmaid’s dress FIT on Sunday night! YES!

I'm only taking shallow gasps of air, but it zipped!

I’m only taking shallow gasps of air, but it zipped!

When I purchased it, I was a solid 1 & 1/2 inches away from being able to zip it. One week before the wedding, it was about 1/2 an inch. The night before – AKA, the last chance I had to buy an alternate – it zipped all the way up!

I definitely learned my lesson about procrastinating, however, as the stress I was feeling over fitting into the dress nearly negated the elation I felt when it zipped. Crash diets and intense workouts are not good on my body or my emotional well-being, so I will make sure I either buy a dress that FITS off of the rack or plan my exercise/diet regimen more realistically for an event.

Regardless, the dress fit, the wedding was SPECTACULAR, and I now have a new sister who will soon be recruited for workouts. Life is pretty good. I have no complaints. I need to stress less, love more, and STOP WATCHING THE SCALE.

I’m working on it. One day at a time.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori