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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

God, that hat! Did I really think that looked good? Yikes.

This photo was taken just two days after my 15th birthday. By 15, I was already a very big girl. I was struggling with my weight and learning – quickly – that I didn’t fit in with society’s expectations for a teenage girl.

My body didn’t look like the women in the magazines, especially not the TeenBeat or Seventeen, which I read with frenetic energy back then.

My body didn’t look like the girls I went to school with, either. I was twice their size, developed, and struggling against tom-boy tendencies and a desire to be more feminine like the rest of them.

I’m not alone in saying that my teens were the most challenging years of my life, partly due to my weight and partly due to the fact that I was unsure of my identity. I found solace in my confusion through food – lots and lots of it – and it took me several years to gain control of my eating and learn the source of my bad habits.

I used to look at these photos and get mad at myself: why was I so lazy? why didn’t I care more about my health?

Now, with fifteen years perspective, I can look back at the younger me with forgiveness and without judgment. I recognize that my priorities were different, I wasn’t fully self-aware, and I had other issues to deal with at the time. Now, I can see this photo for what it was: a birthday celebration at a theme park with my family. I remember being happy, feeling loved, and enjoying the day, and, in retrospect, those good feelings are all that matters.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

This is one of the few photos from my family album that had an electronic date stamp on it: January 17th, 1999.

I was at a theme park with my mother and father. I can’t remember the park based on this photo, but my guess is Universal Studios.

I cropped it out, but my father stood across from me in this picture. It was very hard for me to see this, as my waist was easily twice the width of my father’s. Granted, my dad was a thin man by nature – he wore a men’s size 28 pant – but to see us standing next to one another, the size difference was a painfully stark contrast.

I know my shirt was an XL and barely fit. My pants were at least an 18, but probably a 20. Man, I could EAT!

I still enjoy a frozen margarita (not a virgin one, as pictured!) now and then, but I definitely recognize and respect moderation. Life is about enjoyment, not stressing every calorie. I’ve learned that eating healthy 80% of the time makes the cheats I have now and then that much more fulfilling and I can savor the food/drink/candy without guilt. Life is about LIVING!

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

A Weekend in a Bathing Suit

For the first time in years, I spent more of the weekend undressed rather than clothed. By undressed, I’m referring to the fact that I spent most of the weekend in my bathing suit.

This probably doesn’t seem like a big deal – I am a Floridian, after all – but for someone like me, this was pretty huge. Spending an extended period of time in the Lycra equivalent of a bra and panties is quite the test for someone with body image/weight issues.

Saturday, I went boating with friends. For six hours, I sat in a bathing suit with 9 other people. People I trust, of course, but vulnerable and exposed nonetheless. Amazingly, I felt great. Comfortable, even. I didn’t worry about how my body looked and just enjoyed the sun, the water, and the company of my friends.

Monday was more of a test: a public beach. Hundreds upon hundreds of men and women – also mostly naked – looking and judging. Yes, there were times on the beach where I felt uncomfortable (some people really do stare and it’s not enjoyable), but I felt at ease for the most part.

What used to be a dreaded (and often avoided) necessity – wearing a bathing suit – became a natural and casual experience. I didn’t worry. I didn’t think about it, really, except for when I caught someone watching me in that observant, judgmental way I recognize from my heavier days. It was rare and I brushed it off for the most part.

This weekend was a very freeing experience. I feel more comfortable with my body as a result. Perhaps a few more weekends spent in a bikini and I’ll one day grow to love my body. Here’s hoping!

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Don’t judge me for the dreaded duck-face; this was after five hours of hot sun and a few beers. I was feeling… happy. 🙂

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

 

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

This picture is really hard for me to look at. This was definitely my largest: I know I was over 200 lbs by this point, as I remember worrying if my ocean kayak could really hold my weight.

This photo was taken during the summer between sophomore and junior year of high school. The summer, for me, consisted of playing computer games until 3-4am (while drinking Mountain Dew and eating junk food) and then sleeping until 1-2pm. As a result, every summer during high school normally packed on 10-15 lbs.

My mother tried to keep me active – I really did love kayaking and biking – but it was hard to counteract the damage I was doing with my late night binging and irregular sleeping habits.

Looking at this photo reminds me that exercise alone is not enough for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Good nutrition, healthy sleeping patterns, and regular fitness are the secret to success: not pills, not restrictive diets, not excessive exercise. This photo reminds me that BALANCE is crucial to long term health and body satisfaction.

Find your balance, my friends!

Bon appetit,
~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

This photo was taken while I was on a religious youth trip (Lutheran, ELCA – “Dancing at the Crossroads”) in St. Louis, Missouri.

At this point I was broaching my heaviest weight in high school: I was at least 190 pounds in this photo. I remember being very upset just before this picture, as I had struggled to keep up at volunteer event that day. My weight made it challenging for me to run around and hustle the way the organizers needed me to in order to keep everything running smoothly.

I started to distance myself in pictures by this age (this snapshot is actually part of a larger photo of our group – I snuck off to the side to try to avoid the central focus) and I really noticed my weight was impacting the quality of my life.

These TBT photos help to remind me of the girl that I was and the woman I became as a result of taking control of my health, my fitness, and my life. A good reminder of the past helps to keep your focus on the present!

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

A velvet dress! Boy, that dates me, doesn’t it?

This photo was taken at my Confirmation ceremony (Lutheran, ELCA) back when I was 15 years old.

At this time, I was probably teetering between 180-185 lbs and wearing between a size 18 and a size 20.

I was my heaviest between the ages of 15-17, reaching my max of 214 pounds at the end of my junior year of high school.

I hang on to these photos to remind myself of how far I’ve come and the never-ending journey I am on to be healthy, fit, and happy.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

RunKeeper: Fitness App Review

Like many of you, I own an iPhone. It is practically always in hand (literally in my hand, versus my purse or pocket) and I’m on it basically 24/7. You are too – don’t lie.

As I bemoaned a weight plateau last year, I struggled to come up with creative ideas to boost my weight loss and keep myself on track.

Then it dawned on me: I’m on my iPhone all day – why not use it to help me?

I’ve talked about some of the apps I use on here before (MyFitnessPal and GymPact), but a relatively new one I started using (with great success) is RunKeeper.

 

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Don’t be fooled by the name – it’s not just for running!

As you can see, I’ve only been using the app since November 2013 and I’ve already logged over 70 activities. I have a personal goal to do at least 15 miles per week – but this can consist of walking, running, biking, skating, or a plethora of other activities.

 

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Seriously, check out those options!

The application is VERY simple to use – just pick your activity, make sure you have good GPS (outdoors is always best), and click start!

I’ve always been pretty good about hitting the gym 3-4 days per week, but RunKeeper helps me sneak in additional calorie-burn throughout the day. My office is situated on a beautiful lake and, using RunKeeper to track it, I try to take two or three 10-minute walks around the lake every day. It doesn’t seem like much, but it adds up to be about 1.5 miles I do on TOP of the other stuff in my day. Add to that my thrice-daily puppy walks and I average almost 3 miles per day without really trying!

I love using RunKeeper on my bike rides, as it helps me keep a pace, track my distance on long trails, and gauge the appropriate time to turn back around.

If you’ve stalled out lately with your weight loss or just want to get an idea for how much you’re actually walking/running/biking per week, I strongly suggest downloading the RunKeeper app. It’s free, easy to use, and really motivating!

Proof is in the pudding: my weight is down to 129.8 and the ONLY difference is that I’m aiming to hit 15 miles per week on RunKeeper on top of my 4 workouts per week in the gym. You burn roughly 100 calories for every 1 mile you walk/run, so it’s not a surprise to see that adding this goal to my workout regimen has helped to push my weight down with very little attention on my part. Yay!

On that note… it’s time for a walk!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Insanely Delicious, Low Fat (and high protein!) Buffalo Chicken Dip

Ever since the Superbowl, I’ve been craving tailgate food with a passion. I’m not a football fan, but I’m a huge fan of the snacks that correlate with America’s favorite past time. Burgers, wings, dips – oh my!

A major favorite has always been the infamous Buffalo Chicken Dip. You know, that crockpot dish with a thick layer of oil and fatty goodness just waiting for you to dunk one (or hundreds) of tortilla chips in it?

Yeahhhh. I’m salivating at the thought.

Desperate to recreate the rich flavor and not consume 2,500 calories on a snack-size portion, I decided to concoct an experiment in the kitchen. Let’s just say it was a BIG success.

Ingredients You’ll Need:

  • Approximately 1 lb of chicken breasts. (I used about 1.25 pounds in my batch.)
  • 2 containers of fat free plain Greek yogurt. (I used Chobani, but any brand works.)
  • 2 cups of Frank’s Red Hot Wing Sauce, Buffalo Flavor. (They make a regular, a mild, and an extra spicy. I opted for the regular in mine and then added more heat post-cooking!)
  • 1 packet of Kraft Ranch seasoning (A huge calorie saver compared to using the dressing!)
  • 1 tub (8 oz) of fat free cream cheese.
  • 1 cup fat free shredded mozzarella cheese.
  • 1 cup of 2% reduced fat Sharp Cheddar (or fat free cheddar, if you REALLY want to cut the fat content down to nothing).

Super Simple Directions:

In your crockpot, add the chicken breasts and 1.5 cups of the hot sauce. It should be just enough to cover the surface of the meat but not drown it. If it’s a little short, add the full 2 cups.

Cook on HIGH for 2 hours. At this point, the chicken should be fork tender and should easily shred with a little stirring. If not, allow to cook another 1/2 hour or so.

Once you’ve shredded the chicken, stir in the remaining ingredients: cream cheese, Greek yogurt, Ranch packet, and cheese. Reduce heat to low and allow to cook another 15-30 minutes, or until all cheese has melted.

Stir well and serve with sliced veggies, baked tortilla chips, or just spoon it right out of the pot!

Based on MY recipe (I used 2% fat cheddar and 1.25 lbs chicken), the entire crockpot was about 1,600 calories and nearly 300 grams of protein. I divided the pot into 8 GENEROUS servings and froze four of them (in gladware) to enjoy the next time the craving strikes. I swear, you CANNOT taste the difference between this version and the full-fat version. If you’re a blue cheese fan, you can sprinkle in a 1/4 cup of blue cheese in lieu of 1/2 cup of the above-mentioned shredded cheese. I’m personally not a huge blue cheese fan (it’s an overpowering flavor), so I opted for sharp cheddar as the base to my flavor.

Test out the recipe and let me know what you think! If you make any cool substitutions (I debated adding sliced jalapenos), tell us about them.

As always – bon appetit, my friends!

Freedom

I don’t exactly know how I did it, but I did.

For those of you that actively follow this blog, you may have noticed the long radio silence the past few weeks. I’ve gone almost 17 days without a post on here. While I do regret the lack of writing activity, the silence was the result of a very good thing: I haven’t been stressing my weight.

For nearly three weeks, my weight (and my body as a whole) has been at the very back of my mind. Perhaps it’s due to my busy work schedule, life stressors, or the heavy graduate class I’m balancing, but the scale, my pant size, and the reflection in the mirror have not been important to me recently.

I’m not used to this freedom. I’m not used to walking beside the scale and not feeling inclined to strip and weigh myself. To weigh myself not once, but twice – because the first time might be wrong. Maybe a third time, just to average the three numbers together and get the most accurate weight. In the last three weeks, I think I have weighed myself four times. Each time, it was out of habit and not need and, in two of the four cases, I didn’t actually look at the number on the screen. I just hopped back off.

In the last three weeks, I’ve enjoyed pizza. Candy. Pasta. Foods I’ve normally considered “forbidden territory” have been peppered into my day-to-day. And guess what? They haven’t destroyed me. I’m still strong and healthy. I’m still a good person. Even if my jeans are a little tighter in the waist, my heart is happy and I’ve allowed myself to live.

This is a freedom I could get used to.

While I’m not saying I plan to drop my regimen and let loose entirely, I think allowing myself a little wiggle room has helped me.

I got on the scale this morning and actually looked at the numbers this time: 133.2.

Three weeks of just letting myself live – exercising when I could, eating well for the most part, and enjoying my indulgences without guilt – and my weight was right about where I started.

Maybe there is something to this 80/20 balance thing after all.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Paleo Recipe: Spicy, Nutty Kale Chips!

Regardless of what diet or health plan you’re currently on, chances are you’ve been hearing a lot about kale recently. Kale seems to be the new “superfood” of the month, the absolute miracle cure to all things that ail you. I would try to convince you that I’ve always liked kale – long before the hype – but I realize that makes me sound like a food hipster.

The bad thing about the rising popularity of kale is the rising cost of kale-based snacks. I was at Whole Foods last night and a bag of seasoned baked kale was $5.99! Seriously, $5.99 for 1 oz of food? Really? I can get a pound of organic chicken for $5.99 or a pound of seasoned kale for $96. Does that even make sense? Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

I decided to pay a visit to my favorite Sunday morning stop: the Lake Eola Farmer’s Market. A little pricier than other local markets, but the scenery and selection make it worth the extra cost. For $5, I got two HUUUUGE bundles of fresh, organic kale – over two pounds, easily. I decided to test my hand at making my own homemade kale chips and concocted the following recipe:

Ingredients:

  • 1 bundle fresh kale, washed, chopped, and dried. (approx one pound)
  • 2 tbsp sunflower oil.
  • 2 tbsp chili powder.
  • 2 tbsp garlic powder.
  • 2 tbsp roasted pumpkin seeds, crushed.
  • 1/2 jalapeno pepper – seeded – diced very small.

Put the oven on BROIL (500 degrees F) to preheat.

In a large plastic bag, combine all ingredients and shake well to coat. You can add a tiny bit more oil if it doesn’t seem well covered, but 2 tbsp worked well for me.

On an aluminum foil lined cookie sheet (for ease of cleaning – I’m lazy), spread out the kale evenly. Place the cookie sheet on the SECOND shelf – not directly against the broiler – and allow to cook for approximately ten minutes. Remove the tray from the oven, flip the kale over (spatula is easiest), and cook another five to seven minutes.

PLEASE NOTE: If you put the cookie sheet on the TOP shelf, the kale will get super crunchy on one side, half raw and green on the other – no bueno. So make sure to use the second shelf to ensure an evenly-cooked finished product. I learned this the hard way!

Once cool, store in an air tight container at room temperature. It can probably last a few days, but if yours tastes half as good as mine came out, you’ll be lucky if it lasts an hour or two.

This is only half of the batch! Seriously, making your own kale chips is far more cost effective.

This is only half of the batch! Seriously, making your own kale chips is far more cost effective.

I want to experiment with different flavors this week (I have a lot of kale to cook). I have an idea for dessert chips (think: coconut oil, shredded coconut, agave syrup, cinnamon, and pecans!) and I’d like to attempt a ranch/cheese flavor to really knock out my potato chip cravings. So many options, so few calories!

More recipes to come!

In the meantime, bon appetit my friends!

~ Tori