Throwback Thursday 8/28 #tbt

Yet another photo from the high school days…

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There is so much wrong about this picture, I’m not sure where to start:

Burgundy hair.
Wet, unbrushed burgundy hair in a ponytail.
Denim shirt.
BURGUNDY HAIR!!
At least 60 lbs overweight.

This picture was taken dead-smack in the middle of IB exams, so I wasn’t sleeping, was highly stressed out, and was fueling myself on Mountain Dew and bags of candy from the school fundraiser sales.

I’ve exchanged my stressors with age, of course, but food is definitely still my go-to coping mechanism. I constantly have to watch myself to avoid falling back into old habits. What about you? What makes you eat? Joy? Sadness? Stress, like me?

Whatever it is, just remember: you are stronger than it. I know you are.

Bon appetit, my friends!

-Tori

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Throwback Thursday 8/21 #tbt

Another Thursday means it’s time for another throwback!

And this time we are throwing it all the way back to the wee days… Baby Tori!

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OK, not quite baby, but close enough. I’d have to confirm with my mom, but my guess is that I’m between 5-6 here. I hit a growth spurt at 7, so I definitely think this was before then, but I had already started to chub up a bit by now.

Look how happy I am! So, perhaps not all fat is bad… I was adorable with the baby chunk. Ha!

Bon appetit, my friends!

– Tori

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Throwback Thursday 8/14 #tbt

Whew!

I haven’t been posting on here as regularly as I’d like, but I was able to go through some old photos while cleaning this weekend and wanted to share a TBT picture.

Check this doozy out:

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Yikes! This was the summer before senior year, probably May 2001.

Look how baggy I wore my jeans in an effort to hide my weight! My face is so full, it’s hard for me to recognize myself in this picture.

I’ve worked for over a decade to put this version of myself behind me, but it’s nice to look now and then to see how far I’ve come!

Bon appetit, my friends!

– Tori

Throwback Thursday #tbt

Digging through a box of high school photos, I’m amazed by the strength and clarity of the memories produced.

Moments in time that I thought were trivial, insignificant, come back to me as if they were yesterday.

This picture is from a church event at Our Savior Lutheran. I was about 16, maybe nearing 17. It was shortly after my Confirmation ceremony, but before I entered senior year.

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I’ve come a long, long way – but I’m glad to see that I knew happiness at any size. Look at that cheesy grin! Ha!

It just goes to show you: happiness isn’t based on size, it’s based on self. Find your happiness through loving yourself.

Bon appetit, my friends!

Tori

Throwback Thursday: Age 12! #tbt

Name: Victoria
Age: 12
Position: 1st Baseman
Weight: 148

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Why, exactly, were we required to have our weight on the back of our baseball cards in seventh grade? Did someone believe our rookie cards would have a value down the road? Did our weight influence our performance in some way? We were 12; the fact that we made it around the bases was already an accomplishment.

It is shocking to realize that at 29, I weigh more than 20 lbs less than I did at 12. I don’t think 148 was huge, but for a pre-teen, it couldn’t have been the healthiest place for a growing body. My real weight issues took place in high school, but I can see the foundations for my love (obsession) with food forming at a young age.

Fortunately, the past is the past and I’m healthy, strong, and happy today. My relationship with good is still love:hate, but it gets better every day.

Bon appetit, my friends!

Tori

A Frightening Throwback Thursday #tbt

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All I can say is …yikes.

This was shortly after my pre-senior year haircut disaster and before I began any healthy attempts at weight loss. Even though you can’t see my body, you can definitely see the weight I was carrying in my face.

I’m pretty sure I was solidly over 210 lbs here.

It pains me to see this photo, as I know at this age I was deeply aware of my weight and the alienation/prejudice I faced because of it. I think back to how badly I felt about myself during this time and it makes me sad. Can you hug your former self? If it were possible, I absolutely would. Lord knows I needed it then.

Seeing this picture reminds me how far I’ve come, but also how aware I need to be about the feelings of others. It’s easy to judge someone in a single glance, but that surface judgment likely doesn’t do justice to their story, their circumstances, and their struggles. Seeing my old self reminds me to be more empathetic, and to recognize that everyone is on a journey of some kind; some just haven’t identified the road yet.

Be well, my friends, and enjoy the journey.

Bon appetit!

Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

This photo was taken after our senior trip to Islands of Adventure in high school. I had just gotten SOAKED on the ride in Tune Town and we were all giddy for our upcoming graduation.

It was at this point in my life that I had finally begun to take charge (and responsibility) for my health. A mistake on my senior schedule put me in NJROTC classes and the group accountability helped me follow-through on promises to exercise. By the end of senior year, I had dropped down to 170-175 pounds from my high of 214 over the summer.

This photo reminds me that happiness is NOT about weight, but rather about enjoyment of life in the moment. I think back to this day with only fond memories. I don’t recall my weight or my looks affecting my happiness in any way – we were just a group of kids reveling in a day off from school and the promise of a bright future.

On the days where I wake up and don’t like how I look, I remind myself that five years from now I won’t remember what the number was on the scale that morning, but I would remember doing something positive for someone. I would remember an event, a significant conversation, or an act of generosity. I try to shake off my bad days by remembering the happiness I felt in this picture – with no concerns about my weight or my body – and how today can be a good day, too.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori