dieter

Absenteeism

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Absenteeism.

(noun)
frequent or habitual absence from work, school, etc.:

rising absenteeism in the industry.
This also applies to health, nutrition, and overall personal accountability.
This is my first post in nearly a month. In the last few weeks I’ve put my overall health and wellness to the side, and, as a result, my weight is back up to 136 pounds.
Rather than beat myself up (as I’m prone to do), I’m going to recognize this as a wake up call and a reminder that my body needs me to take care of it. It’s tendency to revert to its former self (I used to be 215+ pounds) is never going to go away, so I can never put my nutrition and health on a backburner. Life doesn’t work that way.
I’m not going to go crazy. I’m not going to commit to a ridiculous diet or exercise plan. I’m going to be realistic.
While I’m still working two jobs, I’ve reduced my hours at the studio and, as a result, I’m finally starting to get a bit more sleep. It’s still not as much as I should be getting, but I’ve gone from 2-3 hours per night up to 3.5-4.5 hours, with naps getting squeezed in when possible.
Now that I’m better rested, I think I’ll find it easier to make better food choices and more realistic to hit the gym 4-5 times per week.
I get out of the studio at 7am and, moving forward, instead of racing home to squeeze in a 60 minute nap before work (that leaves me groggy and more tired than I was before), I’m going to hit the gym for a 45-60 minute HIIT workout.
This will help to give me energy for my day, but, more importantly, will free me up in the evening to go to bed earlier. At present, I’ve been trying to workout between 6pm and 8pm at night (which tends to be the most crowded time, slowing down my workout) and I’ve found it hard to wind down for bed, because I’m running on the high and energy boost from my cardio. By working out from 7:15am to 8:15am (with time to shower and get to the office at 9am), I should find it easier to get to bed earlier at night (the goal is by 9pm) and the cyclical effect should be more energy, more sleep, and more hormonal balance.
I’ve stocked my fridge and freezer with healthy snacks — which includes pre-portioned freezer bags of fruit/veggies for morning smoothies — and I’m not committing to anything unrealistic: I’m just going to eat healthy, eat whole foods (avoiding processed as much as possible), and watch my overall portions. I want to live a healthy lifestyle: I don’t want to diet anymore. As you can see, diets don’t work for me. You can’t be absent from a healthy life, but you can definitely fall off of a band wagon for a crash diet.
That being said, I’ll try to post on here every few days with updates, but mainly I’m just going to focus on being healthy, being strong, and taking care of myself.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

Confused, but happy …?

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I’m not sure what is happening with my body, but the last few weeks have been interesting.

I went from 131.8 to 139 in the span of seven days (with no major binge-eating on my part), and it stayed in that 137-139 range for almost six days. I was freaking out.

Then, suddenly, yesterday my body seemed to let it all go …

Not to be graphic, but the ladies room was my best friend. I felt like a faucet was turned on in my bladder and never turned off, and by the time I weighed myself this morning, my weight had gone from 137.8 (yesterday morning), to 130.8 this morning.

Really? Seven pounds? That’s obscene.

While I’m thrilled to be back in the 130-132 range (the thought of gaining 5-7 lbs in a week was terrifying to me), I’m horribly confused by my body and equally frustrated by the fact that I seem to have little to no control.

I’ve been eating closer to 1,500-1,700 calories (with yesterday as the exception, as I skipped dinner out of exhaustion and landed at around 1,200 for the day), and I’ve only made it to the gym one day (Monday) so far. I’ve reached a point where I’m at a loss for how to keep the scale moving steadily in a negative direction. In fact, I would settle for just staying the same.

Anyone have advice? How do I switch it up? How do I keep the motivation going?

I’m frustrated today, and my thoughts are highly disjointed (as you can probably tell), so I doubt I even make sense in this post. I guess the mixed emotions (happy to see the weight gain wasn’t permanent, frustrated by the massive fluctuations) are wearing me out …not to mention the hours.

On that note, bon appetit my friends!

~ Tori

Recap of Yesterday and Today’s Plan

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As expected, I didn’t stick 100% to my eating plan yesterday …which was a good thing. I realize, both due to introspection and the helpful advice of a friend, that I was setting myself up for failure, as I planned to eat way less food than my body needed to function on a 20+ hour work day.

My original goal was to come in around 1200-1250 calories, but I actually came in around 1,750.

Now, bear in mind that I was awake from 12:45am until 10:30pm yesterday, working job numero uno from 1:45am until 8am, and then job dos from 9am to 6pm. Following work, I hit the gym for 90 minutes on the elliptical from 6:30pm until 8pm, enjoyed dinner and a little social time with my hubby, and then crashed around 10:30pm …just in time to start the process again.

Where did my extra calories come from yesterday?

  • Trail Mix someone brought to a work meeting. (Except for the m&ms blended in, this wasn’t too bad.)
  • Four cubes of cheddar cheese after dinner.
  • Dried mango slices after dinner (this stuff is my crack/ candy).
  • 2 Hershey’s Almond Kisses left on my desk by an anonymous saboteur (whom I secretly love, because I needed some chocolate at the moment).
  • Toasted Coconut Almonds, which I made the mistake of buying before realizing that they’re as addictive as heroine. My husband and I have been unintentionally polishing off a can in the span of two days.

I’m not disappointed with my day, as I still ended with a calorie deficit (I burned approximately 1,166 calories in exercise yesterday, between the three 10-minute walks I took at work and my 90 minutes of elliptical), and I never really binged on anything, which is normally my biggest downfall. I’m not a have-one-or-two-bite-and-be-satisfied kind of girl. I’m more of eat-the-entire-bag-of-Dove-chocolates-and-then-hunt-down-something-else kind of lady, if you know what I mean.

Here is today’s gameplan:

Breakfast #1 (2:30am):
– Wawa Egg White and Steak Bowl w/ extra veggies (approx 220 calories)
– Wawa coffee w/ nonfat French Vanilla creamer (not Paleo creamer, but it’s all they had in the non-dairy spectrum, approx 60 calories)
– Gummy Prenatal Vitamin (20 calories)
– Gummy Biotin (15 calories)
TOTAL BREAKFAST ONE CALORIES: 315

Breakfast #2 (7am):
– 10 stalks of celery (30 calories)- Half Quest Cinnamon Roll protein bar (85 calories)
TOTAL BREAKFAST TWO CALORIES: 85

Lunch #1 (10:30am):
– Trader Joe’s Broccoli and Kale Salad, no dressing (260 calories)
TOTAL LUNCH ONE CALORIES: 260

Lunch #2 (1pm):
– Granny Smith Apple (80 calories)
– Half Quest Cinnamon Roll protein bar (85 calories)
TOTAL LUNCH TWO CALORIES: 165

Dinner #1 (5pm):
– Trader Joe’s Veggie Tray (125 calories)

Dinner #2 (9:45pm – or whatever time I get home from school):
– Crockpot Egg & Veggie Baked Thingie (approx 250 calories)

Other than a few walks at work, I likely won’t be able to workout today, as I’m in school from 6:30pm until 9:30pm and then will come home, eat, and crash.

Much like yesterday, I’ve planned for about 1,250 calories, but I’m positive I’ll come in closer to 1,400-1,500 by the time the human-me gets into the picture. If that trail mix reappears at today’s meeting, or the magic Hershey’s fairy pays a consecutive visit, I won’t be complaining.

On that note …

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

DAY ONE: Projected Eating & Food Plan

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I figured posting my food plan for the day on here would help me stick to it, so here goes. Please keep in mind that I’m awake 20+ hours per day, so it’s going to look like I eat a LOT (6+ meals per day), but this is unavoidable due to the fact that I can’t survive more than 4 hours without eating SOMETHING.

Breakfast #1 (2am):
– Medium Green Apple (80 calories)
– Cage-Free Hard-Boiled Egg (60 calories)
– Gummy Prenatal Vitamin (20 calories)
– Gummy Biotin Vitamin (15 calories)
– Coffee w/ Light Cream (45 calories) — technically, the cream isn’t Paleo [no dairy permitted], but I haven’t made it to Whole Foods yet this week to pick up the delicious coconut creamer.

P.S. I know it’s absolutely ridiculous that I still eat gummy vitamins at 30 years old, but it’s the only way I stay consistent. Who looks forward to a chalky pill every morning? No one. A delicious, sour-apple flavored vitamin? Yes, please!

Breakfast #2 (4:30am):
– Celery Stalks (25 calories)
– Cucumber Slices (30 calories)

Breakfast #3 (9am):
– Grilled Chicken Breast (110 calories)

Lunch #1 (12pm):
– Broccoli and Kale Trader Joe’s Salad, no dressing (260 calories)

Lunch #2 (3pm):
– Baby Carrots (35 calories)
– Grapes (105 calories)

Dinner #1 (6pm):
– Mango GemWrap (15 calories)
– Spring Mix (15 calories)
– Rotisserie Chicken Deli Meat (60 calories)
– Bolthouse Cilantro Avocado Dressing (20 calories)

Dinner #2 (9pm):
– Pan-fried (with Coconut Spray) Swai (130 calories)
– Steamed Butternut Squash (65 calories)- Garlic Cauliflower (80 calories)

Miscellaneous:
As you can see above, this adds up to about 1,050 calories, so I’m allowing myself a flex/cheat of approximately 150-200 calories to use at my leisure throughout the day. I’m not going to name it here, as I’m not sure what it will be yet! I’m not going to restrict myself on this cheat, with the exception that I’ll try to keep it as close to Paleo as possible: no grain, no dairy, no soy. My bet is that I’ll splurge on the leftover mango I have at home, or maybe steal a piece of two of extra dark chocolate from the office. We shall see!

I’ve struggled for a while to stay under 1,600 calories per day (impulse-eating, not planning out my meals), so I’m hoping this extra diligence and planning will serve to keep my calorie consumption in check!

Return to Basics

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I feel like I’ve turned into a recorded message on here:

“Sorry for the long silence.”

“Sorry for not posting.”

“Sorry for falling off the wagon.”

First and foremost, who am I apologizing to? You, the readers? Myself? The skinny woman I wish to be? I’m not 100% sure. I don’t think it’s healthy that I’m feeling so much guilt, sadness, and depression over it, though, so I’m going to work on that moving forward.

The last few weeks have been challenging, as I’m working 30-35 hours per week as a Producer (promotion – woohoo!), 40-45 hours at my full time job (recently promoted there, too!), and attending graduate courses two nights per week.

I’ve been sleeping on average of 2-2.5 hours per night, catching up on sleep on Friday and Saturday nights.

I’ve eaten healthy (for the most part), but the long hours and high stress have resulted in a slight weight gain. Here’s the kicker: I’m not actually weighing myself. Instead, I’m going off of how my clothing fits. I’ve really tried to break my addiction to the scale, and I’m proud to admit I’ve only weighed myself three times in the last five weeks. I can tell I’ve gained a little weight because my jeans are a bit more snug, but the size fours still fit – for now.

Before things DO get out of control, I’ve decided to pick back up on my strict Paleo diet. It always worked very well for me, wasn’t restrictive, and left me full and satisfied. I only slacked on it because it required advanced planning and, well, I’m admittedly lazy. However, I spent my Sunday morning grocery shopping and stocking my pantry, fridge, and snack drawer with caveman-friendly foods, so I officially have no excuse.

When I did strict Paleo before, I never counted calories …in fact, I probably ate double the calories on Paleo, but I dropped weight like it was a secret talent. When I first tried the Paleo diet in August 2012, I dropped 22 lbs in three months and actually exercised less: and I was constantly eating. While I definitely don’t have 20 lbs to lose, I wouldn’t mind shedding these 10 lbs – the 5 I put on over the holidays, and the 5 I couldn’t get off before (when I was constantly eating junk).

I won’t make promises about posting here daily, but I’ll try to check in 2-3 times per week. And if I don’t? Well, I won’t be sorry about it.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

I’m Alive …sort of.

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Sorry for the long silence on here.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been trying to find a way to make peace with my body.

You see, I decided to go back to the TV studio, and now my crazy schedule from last fall has returned. That means 18-20 hour work days again, coupled with graduate school. Yeah, not sure when I will sleep, either, so don’t ask.

I’m terrified, of course, because the last time I did this schedule, I gained 10 lbs … and I’ve had an ongoing battle to remove it ever since. In fact, my weight has been in flux since August, which was only two weeks into this schedule last time, so you can imagine my anxiety now that I’ve hit the two week point again.

I’m trying to be strategic about squeezing walks into my work days, and I bought an abdominal ball to sit on while in the studio. I keep an 8 lb hand weight at my full-time job, and I’m really just trying to move as much as possible. My success will come from squeezing exercise into my day versus trying to sacrifice sleep for gym time, which failed miserably the last time around.

Won’t be posting daily on here anymore, but I will do my very best to check in every few days to stay accountable.

Wish me luck!

– Tori

Monday’s Accountability Report: Back on the Wagon

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OK, I got the pity party out of my system. If you read my earlier post, you probably realize that I had a rough weekend (over-indulgence that led to a dramatic spike on the scale), which nearly sent me into a spiraling depression this morning.

Thanks to the comforting words of some of my blogging friends (I’m looking at you, Want Need Will and you, Keen Peach), I’ve calmed down and climbed back into the saddle. Fitness and wellness is a journey and not a destination, right? I’ll continue to take this one day at a time.

I’ve been mostly good today, with just a little bit of chocolate (seriously, I can’t make it more than 12 hours without SOMETHING chocolatey) and under 1,400 calories consumed.

I had a substantial amount of homework to do in prep for class tomorrow, so I had a window of under 90 minutes to workout (including travel time to and from the gym). With that in mind, I decided to max out on the Stairmaster, doing 60 minutes all out, ranging from 104 to 128 steps per minute. If you’ve never been on the Stairmaster before, let me assure you: that’s a strenuous pace. I almost fell off when I was doing my 60 second sprints at 128 steps/min.

I’ve decided I’m going to be 100% honest with these accountability reports, so here’s the full summary of food log/ exercise log:

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As you can see …I get a lot of veggies in daily, but portions are my challenge. And I sneak sweets in a bit too often, but it’s really hard to resist in my office setting.

Here’s a glimpse at just some of the tasty food I had today:

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And, just in case you doubted the intensity of my workout, here’s my proof:

IMG_8785

Booyah.

Let’s hope the scale is better to me tomorrow.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Grrrrrr.

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You probably noticed that I didn’t post this weekend.

No accountability reports, no updates.

Yeah.

It wasn’t a good weekend. I weighed in on Friday morning at 125.8 (expected, as I knew the 124.6 was more than likely water weight), and I ate well all day. My husband planned a beer tasting (like a wine tasting, but with craft beer), so I got a good workout in (two hours of elliptical) to give myself an extra allowance for dinner.

Yeah. I was bad. I ate a TON of cheese, drank three glasses of wine, and had a bunch of salty crackers. Even with my 1,250+ calorie burn, I was still way over my calorie limit, consuming close to 2,800 total calories.

OK… so Friday was my cheat day.

Then Saturday came along. My weight was up HORRIBLY (over 130) and I was depressed.

I ate healthy, worked out HARDCORE (60 minutes on the stairmaster for 1,003 burned calories + 60 minutes elliptical for another 630 calories burned), and then my husband and I had pho for dinner, followed by chocolate.

Again, over my calorie allowance, but I burned enough (fortunately) to still be at a burn.

On Sunday, I weighed in at 134.

134!! How do I go from 124.6 on Thursday to 134 on Sunday? Is it truly, physically possible to gain 10 lbs in three days?!

I took two diuretic pills, desperately trying to flush out the salt. I drank 1.5 liters of aloe vera juice, 1.5 liters of water, and 2 cups of green tea. I wasn’t able to workout (I had to work and a stack of homework), but I managed to squeeze in about 45 minutes of walking, and then I did 250 squats, 100 lunges, and 100 bicep curls while watching TV with my husband before bed.

This morning? 131.8 lbs.

Honestly, why do I even try? 😦

~ Tori

Thursday’s Accountability Report

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OK, I’m exhausted. EXHAUSTED.

Three hours at the gym this morning, ran a few errands, and then my dinner date cancelled …so I hit the gym with my girlfriend in the evening.

TWICE!

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I wasn’t hungry for the majority of the day, but the last half hour I’ve had a serious case of the munchies. I’m trying to cut myself off now before I cancel out my ridiculous hard work!

Hoping this morning’s scale miracle doesn’t bounce back tomorrow!

Bon appetit, my friends!
-Tori

Holy Moly!

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OK, I know this is dehydration from my intense workout this morning, but I weighed in at 124.6! Holy moly!

That is 2.2 lbs down from yesterday.

This means I am down a full 11 pounds since January 5, which is when I started my intensive diet and exercise routine. To say I am over the moon excited would be an understatement!

I promise myself not to be disappointed if the scale goes up slightly tomorrow as I have been chugging water like it is my job since getting home from the gym. Even a slight gain is still a loss for the week.

On that note: bon appetit!!

– Tori