nutrition

Product Review: Quest Chips!

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Protein Chips.

Yes, you read that right: protein-loaded potato chips. Not only do they exist, they’re also ridiculously delicious.

As you probably know if you’ve followed this blog for a while, I’m a big fan of Quest Nutrition. They sell flavored protein powders (the caramel is to die for), protein bars, and, like a gift from Heaven, protein-infused potato chips and candy.

If you’re like me, you’re probably VERY skeptical about the idea of a protein-packed salty snack, aren’t you? Lord knows I was. But, trusting in the delicious quality of the protein bars I’ve had in the past, I decided to order a couple packages of Quest Protein Chips on Amazon.com.

I ordered the BBQ flavor and the Sour Cream and Onion Flavors:

bbq sco

Needless to say, Quest delivered on their promise.

While the crunch isn’t the same as your favorite, high-fat kettle-cooked variety, these chips definitely deliver the potato-chip like texture you’re craving. I’d compare them to Pringles – thin and airy – but flavor-loaded.

When I read the ingredients (and saw the Whey protein), I was worried these chips would have a chalky or awkward aftertaste, but I am pleased to report they were perfect. The seasoning blend was not too salty, but still packed a punch. My husband preferred the BBQ (he said it tasted like a spice-rub from his favorite restaurant), whereas I was absolutely hooked on the Sour Cream and Onion.

They have a few other flavor options (Sea Salt, Salt & Vinegar, and Cheddar & Sour Cream) and I can’t wait to try them and see how they compare.

As a note: the chips are very light, so I would *not* recommend them for dips unless the dips are very soft. I tried dunking the Sour Cream & Onion chips into some Greek yogurt dip and they cracked pretty easily, so I’d suggest a different alternative if you’re trying to recreate your long lost nachos.

All in all, I’d strongly suggest stocking up on these (they’re super cheap on Amazon, especially if you use Subscribe and Save for bulk purchases), especially if you’re a sucker for salty indulgences. There is nothing to feel guilty about with these chips, and you’ll wonder how you survived so long without them!

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

February 1-29: It’s DietBet Time!

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You guys know I love using technology for tracking my health and fitness. I use MyFitnessPal to log my meals, RunKeeper to track my mileage, Jawbone Up to track my steps, and multiple Paleo apps to search for recipes and ingredients list for new dishes. So, it’s only natural that I would start using Instagram for health and wellness, too!

Now, I try to keep my account on Instagram pretty loose, in then sense that I do not want my profile associated with any one topic. So, instead of using my account to talk about my weight loss or workouts, I tend to post pictures of my puppy, funny gym shirts, and whatever delicious food I’m about to scarf down. However, I absolutely LOVE following people who are dedicated to their journeys, and that’s how I came across @AmyDown100!

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She’s this super cool chick who has managed to shed 100 lbs through healthy diet, exercise, and positive thought. She’s very real: she talks about the good days and the bad, just like I try to do on here. She recently underwent surgery for excess skin removal and, since the recovery period severely limited her exercise, she admits she gained a few pounds back. It’s human, and I love the fact that instead of getting upset or depressed about it, she’s taking charge. How?

With DietBet!

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DietBet is basically the real-life version of putting your money where you mouth is. You pay in $30 to join a pool of other dieters. Ultimately, the goal is to lose 4% (or more) of your body weight in four weeks.

Here’s the best part: it’s not like a tournament where only the top losers win (sounds oxymoronic, but you know what I mean). ANYONE who loses at least 4% of their money back is guaranteed to get back their initial investment ($30), and then they split the “winnings” — aka, the $30 investments of everyone who didn’t lose 4% — with their teammates!

I’ve seen people making $20-30 per DietBet they join — the investment keeps them motivated ($30 is a nice dinner out), and so they follow through with their exercise and healthy eating plans. You’re not limited to being in one DietBet at a time, either. You can join dozens, if you want to, as long as your willing to pay the $30 to get started per bet and you’re committed to working your butt off to ensure you don’t miss your 4% weight loss goal, since you’ll lose the investment for all bets simultaneously!

Amy’s trying to get herself refocused and shed those couple extra pounds that creeped up over the holidays and after her surgery, so she’s hosting her own DietBet challenge, starting February 1st through the 29th!

If you’re already struggling on your resolutions or just need a little extra umph to get you going through the cold months, I strongly suggest you join us on DietBet!

So… what are you waiting for? Let’s lose this winter weight together, and make money while doing it!

Bon appetit!

Tori

Super Simple Protein Oats!

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OK, I know it’s not exactly Paleo (who am I kidding? It’s totally not Paleo), but I’ve been obsessed with oatmeal lately. I was just buying the single-serve packets to quench my cravings, but I looked over the ingredients and was shocked to find how much JUNK was in them. Even the organic brands had a lot of sugar added, and it seemed the only way to avoid the unnecessary simple carbs and “natural flavorings” (seriously, what is that crap??) was to make it on my own.

On Monday, I decided to prep my breakfasts for the week, and I wanted to make it as simple as possible. I took four mason jars and filled them with oatmeal, vanilla protein powder, stevia, cinnamon, and cashew milk. I had no idea how it would taste, but decided to make five of them and hope for the best.

HOLY DELICIOUSNESS, BATMAN!!!

These things are amazing. Instead of eating them cold (as overnight oats), I’ve nuked them for about three minutes and they turn into this warm, almost oatmeal-cookie esque bread pudding that’s to die for.

For roughly 320 calories, I’m getting a solid 35g of protein and 5g of pure fiber goodness. And, most importantly, only 1g of sugar (33g total carbs, but I’m not doing a restrictive diet here)!

In case you want to recreate this vanilla cinnamon orgastic breakfast, here’s what I’m using:

  • 1/2 cup organic, steel-cut oats
  • 1 scoop of Isopure Vanilla 0g carb protein powder (pricey, but worth it)
  • 1 cup Silk Unsweetened Cashew Milk
  • 1 tsp cinnamon powder
  • 1/3 cup Stevia powder (more or less to taste)
  • Between 1/2 cup to 2/3 cup water, added a few drops at a time while microwaving

Mix-in Ideas:

  • 1/4 cup organic raisins (roughly 100 calories)
  • 1/4 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (roughly 200 calories)
  • 1/4 cup pumpkin puree (roughly 40 calories)
  • 1 tbsp chocolate chips (roughly 80 calories)

You can realistically get away with microwaving this about 90 seconds if you just want it to be warm and thick, but I discovered that cooking it longer makes it puff up noticeably (imagine a cake rising) and give the illusion of substantially more food. If you do microwave past 90 seconds, consider adding a few tbsp of water every 30 seconds or so and stirring. I cook mine roughly three minutes and it turns into a MASSIVE bowl of doughy/cakey oats, which is my FAVORITE. If you prefer porridge-style oats, definitely cut the time to less than two minutes.

Oatmeal

 

FYI: I know this is a terrible picture, but it smelled so good and I was so raring to eat it, I honestly didn’t care about getting a good picture. It smelled like the oatmeal cookies your grandmother used to make.

And the added plus? This keeps me full for HOURS! I ate this around 10am yesterday in the office and didn’t touch my lunch until after 3pm. As someone who normally grazes all day (and eats religiously every 2 hours, hungry or not), that’s saying something about the staying power of this simple dish.

So, these oats prove it: there really is no excuse for not eating a healthy breakfast every day. I literally prepped five of these in under five minutes Monday morning, and they take less than four minutes to heat/cook. It would’ve taken me 2-3x the amount of time to stop somewhere and grab a breakfast sandwich, and they’re substantially more filling than my usual protein-bar-out-the-door routine.

What’s your excuse?

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

Meal Prep and Real Life!

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Today is officially my last day of “vacation.” Yes, I’m technically still off for the weekend, but today ends the last of my holiday vacation time.

While I had a blast in NYC from 12/28-1/3, I found this week extremely challenging. I was no longer in “chill mode” (aka: eat whatever, do whatever), but wasn’t back to my regimen, either. To be honest, I really didn’t know what to do with myself.

So, like any good yoyo dieter, I decided to use the week to “transition” myself back into the real world.

Since I had all day off while my husband was back at work, I used the free time to rack up a few hours at the gym, buy my school books, and catch up on some personal reading. I should’ve gotten ahead on school reading, of course, but that’s what my panic-induced Sunday cram sessions are for.

Today, though, I decided it was crucial I do something proactive for the upcoming week, as I will be back to full time work AND graduate school starting Monday.

I decided to invite my best friend Delonna, who has to follow a restrictive ketogenic and allergen-free diet, over to my house to do some healthy prep cooking for the week!

After three hours of laughing, making a mess, and “quality assurance testing” our goodies, here’s what I ended up with in my freezer:

3 individual turkey meatloaves (267 calories, 51g protein each)

3 individual beef meatloaves (288 calories each, 35g protein)

12 lamb meatballs (80 calories each, 7g protein)

12 chicken veggie muffins (72 calories each, 10g protein)

18 grain-free Italian muffins (98 calories each, 6g protein)

I’ll be making veggie egg muffins and grain-free cookies Sunday evening so there’s really no excuse to deviate from a healthy diet. Preparation is key to living (and maintaining control despite temptation) with a busy schedule. School and work are back full time on Monday!!

So, on that note, it’s time for a run and a little wine!

Bon appetit, my friends!

– Tori

Almost 2016

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It has been several weeks since I posted on here, and several months since I posted with any regularity.

I’ll admit, 2015 has been a rough year for me in regards to my weight, but it has been a beautiful year in almost every other way.

I decided sometime around late August to stop worrying about my weight -which was climbing steadily despite ardent (translation: OBSESSIVE) exercise and dieting- and instead focus on enjoying my day-to-day LIFE. You know the old adage about a “watched pot never boils,” right? Well, I was watching that pot like a hawk, and it was lukewarm (and growing colder by the moment), so it was time to step out of the kitchen.

That being said, I didn’t stop caring about my health. God, no. Exercise has and will always be a part of my adult life: it’s my daily stress relief and something I do just for myself.

I’ve continued working out and trying to eat well, but I’ve stopped beating myself up after every cheat. I’ve also let myself indulge way more than normal, and it has been downright glorious. Chocolate and red wine have been in good company in my belly for several months.

Yes, my weight is up. As of this morning, I’m back up to 137.8, a weight I haven’t touched in over three years. This time last year, I was swinging from 124-127, so this is a big jump, and I’m not denying I can see it on more than just the scale. This Yo-Yo has some dough-dough, and it’s mostly sitting on her butt and hips (a first, honestly, since it used to all gather in my belly).

That being said, not watching the scale –and not letting my weight dictate my emotions– has been a beautiful, freeing adventure. And, surprisingly, it really didn’t cause much damage. At least, not as much as I expected.

I thought when I gave up weighing in daily, religiously using my GymPact and MyFitnessPal, and posting here, my weight would spiral out of control. I figured I’d be over 145 lbs by now.

Looking at the day of my last weigh in – the day I decided to “unplug” from my obsession almost four months ago – I am happy to say I’m only three pounds heavier on the scale. Huh. Three pounds heavier, but emotionally lighter than I’ve been in years.

That being said, instead of setting a New Year’s Resolution to eat healthier or lose weight, this year I want to focus on accomplishing goals. I want to run a 10k in March, a half Marathon in November, and a marathon in December.

I’ve already registered for two of the three races, and will register for the third as soon as registration opens in the Spring. I’m putting my money where my mouth is on this one.

Starting the week of the 4th, I’ll begin a running program to train for distance running. I won’t worry about my weight; I’ll focus on my breathing, my stamina, and my distance. I won’t worry about my pant size, but rather the soreness in my muscles and the strength in each leg.

While 2015 was about letting go, 2016 will just be about GO.

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

P.S. Isn’t my mother-in-law beautiful? The picture is of her and I on Christmas Eve at my house. We’re so in-sync, we dress to match on accident.

RX Bars: Best Customer Service!

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So, I’m sure all of you remember the horrific debacle I dealt with a few weeks back with Julian’s Bakery regarding their moldy, nasty Paleo protein bars, right? It was an all-around terrible experience: their customer service led me in circles, insisted I mail back their product, and told me I’d be responsible for shipping costs – all while I dealt with a product that was literally slimy with white mold. Needless to say, when I finally got my money back, I vowed to never order from them again.

While I absolutely love Quest Bars, though, I knew I needed to find a Paleo-approved substitute to use in my regular diet. Quest Bars are made with corn fiber and dairy/whey, which is a big no-no for most primal diets. So, while they are good for the occasional cheat, they definitely shouldn’t play a prominent role in your daily nutrition.

That being said, I did a bit of research and discovered the RX Bar company!

RX Bars are 100% natural: they contain fruit, nuts, and egg whites. The end.

And, with each RX Bar boasting 12g of protein and lots of fiber, they’re the perfect breakfast-on-the go for Paleo and non-Paleo people alike!

I had ordered three cases back in July and kept them in my pantry, where they were unfortunately forgotten for about three months. When I rediscovered them last week, I was thrilled to dive back in and enjoy them. I did notice, though, that two of the bars I opened had a tiny spot of mold on them. I checked the expiration date and the product should have been OK, but I did note the wrappers were thin, so I likely had damaged/ripped them when I put them away.

Fearful for a repeat of the terror Julian’s Bakery, I sent a request through the “Contact Us” form on the RX Bar’s website, praying to just get a coupon or something for the product so I could order more.

But I got so, so much more.

About an hour after my request was submitted (noting the mold on the bar, the expiration date, and the fact that I believed the wrapper could have been damaged by me or in transport), they had a customer service representative call me personally.

What?! A call from a real human being?! What sorcery is this?

The young lady was SUPER sweet, verifying the details I put on my request form and just asking for the bar code from the packaging so she could check to see if there was any history or issue with that particular batch of bars. She was never accusatory or defensive (see my conversations with Julian’s Bakery to see the OPPOSITE of this behavior), and she apologized several times for any inconvenience this caused me. She immediately told me that they’d redesigned their packaging to avoid this issue several months ago, and also changed the recipe slightly to bring down the moisture (switched from dates to cashews), so she was positive I’d have a better experience in the future. She also confirmed I didn’t have any allergies (seriously, how courteous is that?) and then offered to replace the bars – a full 12-pack! – as an apology and a means of rectifying the situation.

WHAT?!

So, not only did she offer an apology for a slight issue with the product, but she also replaced it – with free shipping! – by 1200%!

****LOOK****

THEY ARE SO CONFIDENT ABOUT THE QUALITY OF THEIR BARS, THEY GUARANTEE THEM RIGHT ON THEIR WEBSITE!

This is LIGHTYEAR’S beyond how the customer service department at Julian’s Bakery treated me, and far beyond my expectations for excellent customer service. I already loved RX Bars for their delicious product, but now their incredible customer service has now solidified a life-long relationship with me.

If you’re on a Paleo, Whole30, Primal, or nutrition-focused diet — or just love real, healthy food — you definitely need to pick up a few packs of these bars! I love the Coffee Cacao and Blueberry, but ALL of the flavors are truly amazing!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

 

 

Lemon Coconut Creme Paleo (and Candida-diet friendly) Cake!

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As I mentioned before, a close friend of mine has been struggling under the confines of a very restrictive diet (Phase I of the Candida-diet) and the lack of variety has been very draining on her.

Her birthday was last week and I knew she was very upset that not only could she not indulge on her birthday with a drink, a birthday cake was totally out of the picture.

Or was it?

I decided I was NOT going to let her celebrate her 28th birthday without a sweet treat to make it special. Working with no grains, no sugars, and limited approved ingredients would make for a challenge, but I was ready to test my culinary prowess.

This is what I made my best friend:

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What you are looking at is:

Grain Free, Sugar Free, Dairy Free, and 100% Paleo-Approved.

And, most importantly, DELICIOUS.

How did I do it?

Well, if you recall, a few weeks ago I decided to experiment with a Candida-approved Italian bread recipe that turned out REALLY well.

Running with that variation, I decided to see if I could turn a savory bread into a sweet cake with some mild variations. After FOUR experiments (using different measures of coconut milk, eggs, and flour ratios), I came up with the following PERFECT cake mix:

PERFECT PALEO (SUGAR FREE!) LEMON CAKE:

3/4 cup unsweetened, pure coconut cream
1/2 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup almond flour
1/3 cup shredded, unsweetened coconut fiber
1/2 cup granulated Stevia
1 tsp gluten-free baking powder
1 tbsp alcohol-free pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp sea salt
2 tbsp coconut oil
4 whole eggs
2 egg yolks
Zest of one lemon
Juice of one lemon, with pulp

The cake would be prepared like any other cake: dry ingredients are first in the bowl, and then you’ll fold in the wet ingredients.

Place dough (it’ll be thick, but pliable) in a 9″ round cake pan that you’ve greased ahead of time. I used organic coconut oil spray, but you can go with whatever oil you prefer.

Bake for 25 minutes at 350.

But what is a CAKE without icing?

Now, I knew I’d never recreate a perfect, fluffy icing …and if I did, I realized it would be very temperature-weak, since it would have to be comprised of coconut oil which melts at pretty much any temperature over 72 degrees. So, I decided to forgo a traditional icing and aim for a lemony, zesty glaze to drizzle on top. After dabbling, I landed on the perfect recipe cited below.

ZESTY PALEO (SUGAR FREE!) LEMON ICING GLAZE:

1/3 cup unsweetened, pure coconut cream
4 tbsp coconut oil
Zest of 1/2 lemon
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1/4 cup coconut flour
1 egg white
1/3 cup stevia
1 tbsp alcohol-free pure vanilla extract

The icing is best prepared in a sauce pan on the stove, stirring NONSTOP until it thickens. Pour over cake while still warm. You’ll have a ton with this recipe, so think of this like a Lemon Tres Leches cake!

And there you have it! My best friend got to enjoy a slice of REAL CAKE on her birthday, and I had a real win in the kitchen!

For those of you worried about calories, the entire cake was roughly 2,100 total (with the icing included), and that worked out to about 10-12 slices, depending on how heavy-handed you are with your servings. If anyone wants a full nutritional breakdown (I have it!), let me know!

So, what are you waiting for? Time to start baking!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Join me on DietBet!

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It’s been a while since I posted, mainly because I’ve been in a real slump with my weight lately.

I’ve never given up exercise (I still go to the gym 6-7x per week, religiously), but my diet has been downright disastrous, eating upward of 1700-2500 calories per day.

To help get myself back in check, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and sign up for a DietBet.

What is DietBet, you ask?

Basically, you commit $30 into a pool, vowing to lose 4% of your body weight in four weeks.

That sounds like a lot, but it’s actually quite doable:

200 lbs x .04 = 8 lbs.
8 lbs / 4 weeks = 2 lbs per week.

150 lbs x .04 = 6 lbs.
6 lbs / 4 weeks = 1.5 lbs per week.

You weigh in weekly, and a THIRD PARTY referee (i.e. no one you know or work with) confirms that the weight loss is legitimate via a couple of photos (fully clothed) of you on the scale.

***NO ONE INVOLVED IN THE BET EVER SEES YOUR PICTURES OR KNOWS YOUR WEIGHT.***

If you lose the weight, you don’t lose a penny of your original $30 investment, AND you split the pool (all the money of those who DIDN’T hit their goal) with the other dieters who succeeded!

The DietBet I joined is hosted by a very popular young woman on social media, and her last DietBet had a pool over $13,000. Ummm, yeah. The one I’m in has over $12,000 up for grabs, and more people are joining every hour.

I don’t know about you, but I’m very determined when I’m in a competition. Add money to the equation, and I’m downright married to the program. Anyone want to join this with me? We can hold each other accountable!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Sometimes the Good People Win! (AKA, I won the battle with Julian’s Bakery!)

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Well, it took almost a full week, but I finally got Julian’s Bakery to refund my money for the nasty, inedible, and falsely advertised protein bars they shipped me last week. I made it very clear that mailing the product back was not an option, and it appears they conceded in battle.

Since it has been so enjoyable for my readers, here’s the final round of correspondence between myself and the lovely staff of Julian’s Bakery:

To: Julian Bakery
Sep 21 at 8:44 PM

Julian’s Bakery: Worst Customer Service!

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OK, so, remember how I posted a review of my Paleo Protein Bars from Julian’s Bakery last week? Well, I surprisingly found something worse than their bars …their customer service!

Allow me to share the follow-up emails to my complaint (and request for a refund) from last week:

Hello Victoria,

I am so sorry but we are currently modifying the bars, so we are in and out of updating the website.
So I do apologize about that, the nutrition facts on the bars are correct.
The white film is from the coconut/palm oil. These bars sweat because of the heat, which causes the white film.
But it does not effect the taste of the bar.
These bars are supposed to have a tootsie roll feel to them, if they harden you can always put them in the microwave for about 10-15 second, and they will be perfect.
If you are still uncomfortable with the bars, you can always send the un-opened product back to us, and we will then issue you a refund once we receive the product back.
Please send to:
Julian Bakery
624 Garrison St Ste 102
Oceanside, CA 92054-4844
Thanks,
Dallas

Wait, what? They mislabeled the nutrition facts, the bars are inedible, and I have to mail it back in order to get a refund? Um, NO.

Dallas,
The convenience of protein bars is the lack of preparation time needed to enjoy them. We throw them into gym bags, purses, and pockets so that they can be consumed on the run. Last time I checked, portable pocket-sized microwaves weren’t universally common or available, so your product fails to meet the category of either convenience or prep-less.
Secondly, a food product, for the most part, should have a somewhat aesthetic nature to it. My food should not, under any circumstances, look like it has been dipped in semen (which, though vulgar to describe that way, is honestly the most accurate representation) and hard as a piece of bark. It literally made a crunch/snapping sound when I tried to break a piece off to try. 
I don’t know about you, but microwaving a semen-coated brown brick in lieu of grabbing a convenient protein bar product, like Quest Nutrition bars, is a decision that is not difficult for me to make.
But here’s where I’m even more concerned:
You delivered a mislabeled (incorrect nutrition), miscategorized (a bar that needs to be microwaved to regain its normal physical attributes is not “on-the-go”), and all together nasty product and I’m the one that needs to repackage it (find a box, since yours was moistened by rain and destroyed), pay for shipping, and wait for you to confirm my honesty (receipt of your subpar product) before you’ll return my money?
Really?
How, on this blessed earth, are you guys still in business?!

Best,

Tori

Well, it looks like Julian’s Bakery didn’t appreciate my response. Check out what I got back:

Victoria, 

The bars were affected in transit due to the record heat we have been experiencing here in California, and all over the US. I understand your frustration with receiving an unsatisfactory product, however I cannot change our policy.
We do not do returns based on taste. We are offering a return and refund on the unopened products to rectify a situation that was affected by variables out of our hands. Once our product leaves the shipping department of our facility (in which we insure quality before sending to our customers), we cannot control the handling or weather which our products can be affected by. 
Our bars have a shelf stable life of 1 year and are still safe and edible if introduced to hot temperatures. However, this does not mean the product does not change shape and/or in some cases texture due to the rehardening once the product is affected by the heat.
I do believe that Quest Nutrition bars carry the same possibility of being affected by heat in transit, thus changing the texture and or/shape of the product. 
The return policy in which we require to receive the product before we process a refund is a purely finance related concern. It does not reflect an opinion of the customers integrity. 
I will be happy to process your refund or replacement for any unopened bars upon arrival to our facility.
Beyond these two options, I am not able to offer another solution at this time. 
I do apologize for any inconvenience. 
Thank you,
Katie 

Oh, this means war.

My Dearest Katie, (hope Dallas is OK!)
I’m sorry to hear about California being hot. Living in Florida, I would have no idea how that must feel and affect your business. It’s ghastly to think companies have to take into consideration weather, packaging, and the quality of their ingredients when shipping to consumers! I deeply sympathize with your plight.
That being said, I’ve ordered Quest Nutrition bars consistently for over two years now (in case you weren’t aware, that means throughout hot days, and cold days, and wet days, and dry days, and blue days, and gray days, and red fish, and two fish), with likely thousands spent and have only had ONE instance where their product was not of usual consistency due to their packaging getting hot. And guess what they did? Immediately issued an apology (without blaming weather or outside factors, since, of course, yours is the only company in the U.S. to face them), refunded the product AND sent a replacement, never once asking me to send back the inferior quality product.
Whereby, I’ve ordered from you about five times in the last four years and have received moldy bread in the past (and, surprise, this was blamed on RECORD HEAT in California -gasp!- despite my paying for expedited shipping), and I actually had to send pictures of the moldy product because, much like I am now, I refused to spend my money and time to repackage and mail the product back.
But wait! You said you wanted it back for FINANCE reasons, and not because you doubt customer integrity! That makes total sense! I mean, why wouldn’t you want to reclaim a subpar, misrepresented food product back that was in someone’s HOME? I mean, of course you want to reclaim that item so you can RESELL it to new consumers, right? For that’s the only rational and logical reason you’d insist on a return of a product that should, based on how it looks/tastes/and feels, be disposed of. Unless, of course, instead of selling said protein bars, you wish to dispose of them in your facility? I mean, I’m not a tree-hugger or anything, but spending the $10 to mail this back to you and considering the carbon emissions of the trucks/planes that will be necessary to get these lovely bars from always-perfect-weather Florida to the unseasonably-wretched-heat-wave that is California right now seems like an awful waste of resources if you plan on doing the appropriate (and hygienic) task of throwing these away. Want me to set fire to the plant outside, too, while I’m at it? I mean, if we’re going to waste resources just for the hell of it, why not go all the way, am I right?
Katie, I understand that you’re doing your job. I get it. Julian’s Bakery is reveling in the euphoria of a Paleo-monopoly right now and they’re doing all they can to maximize profits until their competition catches on and introduces better quality, more affordable alternatives. That being said, I strongly suggest your team spend a little less time on their internet marketing tactics and a little more time figuring out how to improve the durability of their products so they can retain quality, texture, and flavor in transit. Or, maybe just spend the money on building a machine to alter earth’s atmosphere and improve weather conditions? Either way, you’re wasting a lot of money attracting consumers that are likely just as irked as I am by the inconsistency of your products’ quality. 
This is a huge problem and obviously I’m not the first to voice concerns, as your Facebook team has managed to PREVENT comments and has, in fact, staged multiple comments that do nothing but praise the taste and quality of your products. Do you really think consumers believe that not a single person has anything negative to say on social media about your company? Really? I’m pretty sure people blast the pope, the Dalai-llama, and the inventor of blessed chocolate on Facebook, but good to know YOU (as in Julian’s Bakery, not YOU, lovely Katie) are perfect and have never had one displeased customer ever. Congrats! Pretty sure that deserves a blue ribbon or gold star.
That being said, the BEST I will do will be to open every single semen-brick bar out of its wrapper and take pictures of each as I toss them in the trash for you. I’m not going to mail back a subpar product for you to either sell (both unethical and extremely unhygienic) or throw away, as that’s just a big waste of money and time for both of us.
So, it appears we are at an impasse, Katie. Shall we escalate this to your boss? I’m ready when you are.

Best,

Tori
Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard back yet. I’ve already requested a refund from Paypal.com (how I paid), and I’m going to keep harassing them until a refund is issued.
On that note …buyer beware!
~ Tori