victoria elizabeth

A Week Off!

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In case anyone has been questioning the radio silence on this blog, I wanted to let you know that I’ve just returned from a week long vacation out of town during which I attempted to fully disconnect from work, from school, and from dieting.

Other than a few emails to and from my Director, checking my final grades for the spring term, and the occasional moment of guilt as I walked past the hotel gym eating popcorn, I managed to do all three.

I took a total hiatus from calorie-counting, carb-watching, and Paleo-adherence and enjoyed a week of eating what I wanted, when I wanted, and savoring the local delights of a new city.

I’m pleased to say that I LOST weight. Yep, you read that correctly: I ate freely and lost weight.

I was 133.2 the morning I left for the trip (Wednesday) and returned home on Sunday night (yes, an evening weigh-in!) at 131.8.

Walking the city instead of using public transport helped, plus I tended to savor each delicacy I tried – thus consuming less because I ate slowly and allowed myself to feel full naturally.

I had a great trip and enjoyed the detachment, but I must admit I’m glad to be home. I missed my regimen!

Although, I can’t lie: this pizza alone makes me want to move north:

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Yum!! Stuffed pizza, as if regular pizza wasn’t bad enough! Haha.

It’s good to be back, my friends. Bon appetit!

-Tori

Don’t Freak Out

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I’m trying to keep myself calm. I’m trying NOT to freak out. I got on the scale this morning and it’s WAAAAY up.

Five pounds up.

I’ve done a lot of exercise lately (I ran for 2 hours, 45 minutes on Friday alone) and a lot of strength training, so I know most of the weight is the result of muscle fatigue and lactic acid back-up.

I’ve also consumed a lot of salt lately, polishing off a gigantic bowl of Vietnamese Pho on Saturday like it was my job:

 

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

I’m trying not to believe that these five pounds are real, but the numbers terrified the snot out of me this morning.

I admit, I’ve been eating a TON of candy lately.

I haven’t limited myself to one Cadbury egg this week; I’ve had 2-3 daily most of this week. I believed my extra workouts entitled me to it (which they did, I guess, if my goal was to cancel out my exercise with food) and now I’m trying to assure myself that I haven’t gained five pounds from chocolate.

Right?

Don’t freak out. Don’t purge. Don’t lose control.

I’m guzzling water and coffee today. I’m avoiding salt. I’m praying for a miracle tomorrow.

~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

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Throw Back Thursday!

This photo was taken after our senior trip to Islands of Adventure in high school. I had just gotten SOAKED on the ride in Tune Town and we were all giddy for our upcoming graduation.

It was at this point in my life that I had finally begun to take charge (and responsibility) for my health. A mistake on my senior schedule put me in NJROTC classes and the group accountability helped me follow-through on promises to exercise. By the end of senior year, I had dropped down to 170-175 pounds from my high of 214 over the summer.

This photo reminds me that happiness is NOT about weight, but rather about enjoyment of life in the moment. I think back to this day with only fond memories. I don’t recall my weight or my looks affecting my happiness in any way – we were just a group of kids reveling in a day off from school and the promise of a bright future.

On the days where I wake up and don’t like how I look, I remind myself that five years from now I won’t remember what the number was on the scale that morning, but I would remember doing something positive for someone. I would remember an event, a significant conversation, or an act of generosity. I try to shake off my bad days by remembering the happiness I felt in this picture – with no concerns about my weight or my body – and how today can be a good day, too.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

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Throw Back Thursday!

God, that hat! Did I really think that looked good? Yikes.

This photo was taken just two days after my 15th birthday. By 15, I was already a very big girl. I was struggling with my weight and learning – quickly – that I didn’t fit in with society’s expectations for a teenage girl.

My body didn’t look like the women in the magazines, especially not the TeenBeat or Seventeen, which I read with frenetic energy back then.

My body didn’t look like the girls I went to school with, either. I was twice their size, developed, and struggling against tom-boy tendencies and a desire to be more feminine like the rest of them.

I’m not alone in saying that my teens were the most challenging years of my life, partly due to my weight and partly due to the fact that I was unsure of my identity. I found solace in my confusion through food – lots and lots of it – and it took me several years to gain control of my eating and learn the source of my bad habits.

I used to look at these photos and get mad at myself: why was I so lazy? why didn’t I care more about my health?

Now, with fifteen years perspective, I can look back at the younger me with forgiveness and without judgment. I recognize that my priorities were different, I wasn’t fully self-aware, and I had other issues to deal with at the time. Now, I can see this photo for what it was: a birthday celebration at a theme park with my family. I remember being happy, feeling loved, and enjoying the day, and, in retrospect, those good feelings are all that matters.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

A Basic Guide to Runner’s Etiquette

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I feel like I’ve been ranting on here more than usual, but with the beautiful Spring weather comes a lot more traffic outdoors. The more people I encounter, the more humanity surprises me with its entitlement-issues.

My current gripe revolves around runners.

As I mentioned earlier this month, I’ve been participating in a lot of 5Ks recently. Last night, I ran in the Corporate 5K, an evening (7:15pm) run through Downtown Orlando.

The IOA Corporate 5K attracts a HUUUUUGE crowd with nearly 17,000 registered runners and walkers in attendance.

I'm short, so I couldn't even get a third of the attendees into the photo.

I’m short, so I couldn’t even get a third of the attendees into the photo.

I have NO PROBLEM with crowds. What I have a problem with are people that do not know the basic rules of etiquette for running events.

I understand that this is a combination of people who’ve just never run publicly before (good for you for joining!) and those that honestly don’t really care about others around them (really, it’s shameful, but it’s the climate of the 21st century).

I encountered every type of annoyance last night, from bad manners to blatant disregard for the safety of themselves and other people. To help ease the runners-entitlement epidemic growing around me and also help those that may be nervous about joining a group/public running event, I’ve decided to make a handy guide for runners joining the spring circuit.

DO:

  • If you need to run at a slow pace or you prefer to walk, DO stay to the right. Much like a highway, slower traffic needs to keep to the right to ensure that everyone is able to move efficiently and safely through the “herd.”
  • If you see someone on their own, DO go with your instinct to encourage them. One of the BEST memories I have from an athletic event was from the Savage Race I did in October 2012. My three friends had overslept, so I was ALL alone for my very first obstacle run. Less than a mile in and facing my first DIFFICULT obstacle, I was ready to quit. Fortunately, an AWESOME couple saw me struggling and offered encouragement – then invited me to run/pace with them. I ended up doing the full 7 miles and 25 obstacles by their side and we’re still friends, two years later. A kind word or two  (“You’ve got this, girl! Keep going!”) can really make someone’s day.
  • DO use verbal queues. As a fellow runner, I am not a mind-reader. These Nikes didn’t come with ESP. If you are going to pass me (left or right), call it out. If you’re running and are about to stop suddenly (such as getting a cramp or spotting a friend you want to join), call it out. It can be as simple as shouting, “I’m passing on your left!” or “BRAKES!” – some audio queue you will be a huge courtesy to your fellow runners. At last night’s Corporate 5K, I nearly PLOWED over multiple runners who short-stopped (out of nowhere) or tried to pass me (without sufficient space) and it wasn’t pretty.

    To use an analogy all Floridians should recognize: if you slam on your brakes on I-4, you WILL get rear-ended. The same concept applies to a crowded 5K run, so please be aware and use your VOICE.

  • DO wear appropriate clothing. I’m all for looking cute (and I’ve rocked my share of tutus and costumes at certain athletic events), but make sure you’re outfit is safe, comfortable, and appropriate for a 3+ mile run. If your shorts ride up and you will constantly need to adjust them while running, they’re probably not the best choice for working out. You should want to be comfortable. I just participated in a Super Hero themed run and I wore a fun costume – but I put it on OVER my running tights and sports bra. This ensured I was comfortable (no chaffing) and appropriate (your fun-bags popping out at a public event is never ideal) but still looked adorable for all the fun pictures.

 

DO NOT:

  • DO NOT spit. Just don’t. I don’t care how hard you’re working out and the phlegm you’re producing in consequence, never hack a loogie while running a 5K with other participants, especially a crowded event. If you spit on me or I step in a puddle of your spittle, we’re going to have a MAJOR problem.
  • If you’re running with friends/family, DO NOT run side-by-side. While I appreciate your group “representing,” you create an impenetrable barrier for other runners to pass you and end up slowing down others who may be aiming for a personal record.
  • If at all possible, DO NOT throw your trash on the ground. While I recognize your desire to keep your physical momentum while passing through a water station, there are DOZENS of trash cans available. There is NO REASON – unless you’re an athlete focusing on a world record – to toss your trash on the ground when a trash receptacle is two steps away. These events are manned by VOLUNTEERS – people donating their time so you can enjoy your run with cold water and lots of clapping – so please don’t abuse them.
  • Please, for the love of all that is holy and good in the world, please DO NOT ignore the pace-dividers at the starting line. Most races break up the starting line based on the pace of the runners: i.e. if you’re under a 6 min/mile, you tend to be the first at the starting line, and then there are pace-markers for each range. Walkers and those slower than 12:30 min/mile are typically at the back. This isn’t to make you feel bad if you’re not as fast as the other runners – this is for the SAFETY of everyone involved. It allows those that are fast to get off the line quickly without the obstacle of strollers, walkers, and those not paying attention. It also helps you find runners with a similar stride/pace to you, which will improve YOUR pacing and make you a better runner.

OK, it’s not a complete list, but I would definitely say that these are my top DOs and DON’Ts regarding running at public events.

Please note, I am NOT being cynical of new runners. I love new runners. I was one just a few years ago! All I ask is that, like with any new hobby or endeavor, you educate yourself before you dive in . You wouldn’t jump off of a mountainside as a new cliff-diver without learning about the sport, so why join a crowded, public 5K run without first understanding the basic rules and etiquette of running?

So… get out there! Start running! And be nice (and courteous) to your fellow athletes!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

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Throw Back Thursday!

This is one of the few photos from my family album that had an electronic date stamp on it: January 17th, 1999.

I was at a theme park with my mother and father. I can’t remember the park based on this photo, but my guess is Universal Studios.

I cropped it out, but my father stood across from me in this picture. It was very hard for me to see this, as my waist was easily twice the width of my father’s. Granted, my dad was a thin man by nature – he wore a men’s size 28 pant – but to see us standing next to one another, the size difference was a painfully stark contrast.

I know my shirt was an XL and barely fit. My pants were at least an 18, but probably a 20. Man, I could EAT!

I still enjoy a frozen margarita (not a virgin one, as pictured!) now and then, but I definitely recognize and respect moderation. Life is about enjoyment, not stressing every calorie. I’ve learned that eating healthy 80% of the time makes the cheats I have now and then that much more fulfilling and I can savor the food/drink/candy without guilt. Life is about LIVING!

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

A Weekend in a Bathing Suit

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For the first time in years, I spent more of the weekend undressed rather than clothed. By undressed, I’m referring to the fact that I spent most of the weekend in my bathing suit.

This probably doesn’t seem like a big deal – I am a Floridian, after all – but for someone like me, this was pretty huge. Spending an extended period of time in the Lycra equivalent of a bra and panties is quite the test for someone with body image/weight issues.

Saturday, I went boating with friends. For six hours, I sat in a bathing suit with 9 other people. People I trust, of course, but vulnerable and exposed nonetheless. Amazingly, I felt great. Comfortable, even. I didn’t worry about how my body looked and just enjoyed the sun, the water, and the company of my friends.

Monday was more of a test: a public beach. Hundreds upon hundreds of men and women – also mostly naked – looking and judging. Yes, there were times on the beach where I felt uncomfortable (some people really do stare and it’s not enjoyable), but I felt at ease for the most part.

What used to be a dreaded (and often avoided) necessity – wearing a bathing suit – became a natural and casual experience. I didn’t worry. I didn’t think about it, really, except for when I caught someone watching me in that observant, judgmental way I recognize from my heavier days. It was rare and I brushed it off for the most part.

This weekend was a very freeing experience. I feel more comfortable with my body as a result. Perhaps a few more weekends spent in a bikini and I’ll one day grow to love my body. Here’s hoping!

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Don’t judge me for the dreaded duck-face; this was after five hours of hot sun and a few beers. I was feeling… happy. 🙂

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

 

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Throw Back Thursday!

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Throw Back Thursday!

This picture is really hard for me to look at. This was definitely my largest: I know I was over 200 lbs by this point, as I remember worrying if my ocean kayak could really hold my weight.

This photo was taken during the summer between sophomore and junior year of high school. The summer, for me, consisted of playing computer games until 3-4am (while drinking Mountain Dew and eating junk food) and then sleeping until 1-2pm. As a result, every summer during high school normally packed on 10-15 lbs.

My mother tried to keep me active – I really did love kayaking and biking – but it was hard to counteract the damage I was doing with my late night binging and irregular sleeping habits.

Looking at this photo reminds me that exercise alone is not enough for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Good nutrition, healthy sleeping patterns, and regular fitness are the secret to success: not pills, not restrictive diets, not excessive exercise. This photo reminds me that BALANCE is crucial to long term health and body satisfaction.

Find your balance, my friends!

Bon appetit,
~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

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Throw Back Thursday!

This photo was taken while I was on a religious youth trip (Lutheran, ELCA – “Dancing at the Crossroads”) in St. Louis, Missouri.

At this point I was broaching my heaviest weight in high school: I was at least 190 pounds in this photo. I remember being very upset just before this picture, as I had struggled to keep up at volunteer event that day. My weight made it challenging for me to run around and hustle the way the organizers needed me to in order to keep everything running smoothly.

I started to distance myself in pictures by this age (this snapshot is actually part of a larger photo of our group – I snuck off to the side to try to avoid the central focus) and I really noticed my weight was impacting the quality of my life.

These TBT photos help to remind me of the girl that I was and the woman I became as a result of taking control of my health, my fitness, and my life. A good reminder of the past helps to keep your focus on the present!

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori