weight gain

Life Update

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OK, I have been terrible about posting on here recently, but I did want to give some updates.

For one, I’m still having a hard time keeping my diet in check. I eat upward of 2,000 calories every day, though – except for candy – the majority of it comes from healthy food. With my 20-21 hour working days, I just can’t seem to control my appetite. I eat, and eat, and eat – and still want more food.

My weight hovers between 127-130, which really upsets me — considering I got down to 123.8 back in June — but at least it’s not spiraling out of control, which is how I FEEL about it.

I’ve definitely not being sticking with the Paleo diet as much as I’d like, though I’m pretty good about avoiding wheat (bread, pasta, etc), as I’ve never been a big fan of those carbs anyhow. I’ve cheated a bit here and there with rice and quinoa (Van’s Gluten-Free Mighty BBQ chips are an addiction), but otherwise my real weakness has been chocolate and overall quantity of food.

Chocolate. Jesus. So much chocolate.

I’ve also taken to drinking more… which is not good, but so good at the same time:

epcotdrink

My hope is to continue to seek balance and to get back on board with some sort of regimen before I really do lose control of my size/weight (more than I have already). I can feel/see that my tummy is a bit pudgier and my thighs jiggle-wiggle more than they did a few weeks ago, so it’s definitely causing panic.

Yikes.

On that note, bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

Trying to Get Back on the Wagon

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Man… it has been a rough few weeks when it comes to my health/fitness.

My weight has continued to go up, week over week, and my sweets-cravings are through the roof. I am a STRESS eater and I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Candy has become my best friend …and the worst enemy of my waistline.

I’ve promised myself I won’t weigh-in until Friday, but I can tell you the scale and I did NOT have a pleasant interaction this morning. I worked out 5x last week, but I also indulged in tons of cookies and salty snacks – more than I could cancel out with even the most intense workout.

I’m hoping that one week of rigid discipline will get me back on track, so I’m going to post my calories/meal plan on here for accountability and to try to keep myself on track.

Here’s my food plan for the day:

2am: Quest Cookies and Cream Protein Bar (180 calories)

5:30am: Two OIKOS Plain, Fat Free Greek Yogurt Cups (160 calories)

9am: 100 Calorie BetterOats Oatmeal and 1 cup Blueberries (170 calories)

12pm: 2 cups raw spinach, 3 oz Oscar Mayer Rotisserie Chicken, 1 cup sliced carrot chips, Spicy Guacamole (224 calories)

3pm: Sugar Free Chocolate Muscle Milk (100 calories)

5:30pm: Natural Almonds Snack Pack (100 calories)

8pm: Grilled Chicken Breast and Stir-Fried Veggies (approx 280 calories)

By eating every few hours, I anticipate never feeling “out of control” with my hunger and I’m hoping to quell sweets cravings by snacking on fruit (blueberries) and chocolate protein shakes.

If I can stick to this diet all day (I’m good so far — as of my 9am meal), I will allow myself a 90-calorie Chocolate Pear Squeeze Treat (sooooo good). If I hit the gym (as planned) and do at least 30 minutes of cardio, I’ll swap out the Chocolate Pear Squeeze Treat for one of the 150-calorie Paleo Brownies I made last week. 🙂

It’s all about compromise, preparation, and holding myself accountable this week. Wish me luck!

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

 

All Over the Place

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Man, the last few weeks have been a whirlwind.

Working 18-20 hour days is draining, not to mention a lot of personal stress going on. Lots and lots of personal stress.

My weight is off-the-charts, back up to 129 (up six pounds!) from stress-eating, minimal gym visits, and candy-munching.

I’m really trying to take back control this week, and I’ve upped my commitments on the GymPact app for more veggies and workouts to help me stay on track.

Hoping things calm down and de-stress a bit before I wake up and I’m back in a size 22. 😦

Hopeful, but tired —

– Tori

The Hiatus Has Ended

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Whew.

That’s the longest I’ve gone without posting on here in, well, ever.

I think I went almost two full weeks without logging my diet, regularly hitting the gym, watching what I eat, and posting about all of it on here.

Last Friday was my 30th birthday and I vowed to spend the week ENJOYING it versus stressing about it. I ate cake (lots and lots of it), drank craft beer, and spent almost an entire weekend in a bikini (kayaking, beach, etc).

It was GREAT.

As a result of this hiatus, though, I must admit the weight has jumped up. I went from 123.4 a few weeks ago to back up to 129.6 this morning.

Yikes.

A watched pot may never boil, but an unattended pot will most certainly boil over.

I’m not stressing the weight gain, as I know if I lost it once, I can do it again. I had planned to jump back on the bandwagon Monday, but my grandmother spent the day in town so the gym wasn’t an option. I did my best to eat well (she’s the anti-healthy eater, unfortunately), but still felt like it wasn’t the start I wanted to the week.

So, today is a new day. I’m back to focusing on mostly Paleo (allowing for moderate dairy), but avoiding grain, avoiding soy, and avoiding sugar as much as possible. I’m using MyFitnessPal to log my food, GymPact to log my veggies/fruits and workouts, and RunKeeper to set a mileage goal BEYOND what I do at the gym.

This week’s goals:

  • Hit the gym at least 5 times, preferably 6.
  • Eat at least three veggies per day (thank you, GymPact).
  • Maintain the Paleo diet as best as possible, with a cheat meal allowed on both Friday & Saturday.
  • Stay under 1,600 calories daily (this has been a challenge lately, so aiming for 1,600 and then reducing down to 1,300 when I get control of my appetite again).
  • Walk 15 miles in the week (Sunday-Saturday) in addition to my workouts. I walk my dogs three times per day (about a third of a mile each day), so it’s really just sneaking in a few more quick walks each day.

I don’t want to become obsessive (I have a tendency to do that, especially after a weight spike), but I also don’t want to stray past the 130 lbs benchmark, so I really need to kick it into gear.

On that note – it’s great to be back! I missed writing here daily and I’m sure a few of you were starting to get bored of the silence. 🙂

Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

An Observation

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When I got out of bed and got dressed this morning, I put on a pair of size three shorts. And I realized something, something I’ve needed to realize for a long time: nothing has changed.

I’m still the same person I was at size 20/22. I still have a good heart. I still care for others. I still laugh freely and often, and I still have a weakness for chocolate and cheese.

I’m not a better person because I’m smaller.

I’m not a happier person because I can wear single digits.

My life didn’t become perfect when I slid into these shorts, and my life wasn’t imperfect before they fit, either. Weight loss isn’t a cure-all and weight gain isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I may feel a sense of accomplishment for hitting certain fitness goals, but that joy is no less than the happiness I felt meeting non-athletic goals when I was bigger.

My waist size doesn’t correlate with the joy in my life, nor does it solve any problems.

I am the same person I was at 200+ lbs; I just wear smaller shorts.

Bon appetit, my friends.

Tori

Don’t Freak Out

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I’m trying to keep myself calm. I’m trying NOT to freak out. I got on the scale this morning and it’s WAAAAY up.

Five pounds up.

I’ve done a lot of exercise lately (I ran for 2 hours, 45 minutes on Friday alone) and a lot of strength training, so I know most of the weight is the result of muscle fatigue and lactic acid back-up.

I’ve also consumed a lot of salt lately, polishing off a gigantic bowl of Vietnamese Pho on Saturday like it was my job:

 

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

I’m trying not to believe that these five pounds are real, but the numbers terrified the snot out of me this morning.

I admit, I’ve been eating a TON of candy lately.

I haven’t limited myself to one Cadbury egg this week; I’ve had 2-3 daily most of this week. I believed my extra workouts entitled me to it (which they did, I guess, if my goal was to cancel out my exercise with food) and now I’m trying to assure myself that I haven’t gained five pounds from chocolate.

Right?

Don’t freak out. Don’t purge. Don’t lose control.

I’m guzzling water and coffee today. I’m avoiding salt. I’m praying for a miracle tomorrow.

~ Tori

The Required New Year’s Resolutions Post

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OK, you all knew it was coming… the infamous resolutions post. This is the expected annual tradition for any of us that has an unhealthy vice (which is practically 99.9% of humanity, I’m sure) and, for many people, it feels like an act of futility. While I’ve been a bit down lately regarding my weight and eating habits, I recognize the opportunity that comes with setting resolutions for a new year.

You see, I am a naturally competitive person and I thrive on goal-setting and benchmarks. In fact, I am most religious with my workouts and diet when I have a very clear, defined goal and a due date that I’m trying to accomplish.

For example, every time I’m invited to be in a wedding party as a bridesmaid, I make it a point to order a dress size SMALLER than what I need. (Literally, I won’t be able to zip the dress or, if I can zip it, I can’t breathe.) And, every time, I’ve managed to lose the weight (despite months and months of plateaued weight prior) in time to comfortably wear the dress for the ceremony.

There is something about a tangible goal – and putting my money where my mouth is by purchasing the dress ahead of time – that gives me the dedication of a saint, the self-command of a drill sergeant. So, with that being said, I’m outlining very goal-specific resolutions for 2014 that I hope will serve as the commitment I need to whip myself into shape.

So, here we go!

2014 Resolutions:

  1. Participate in at least ONE organized run/obstacle course per month. (Will be signing up for several races tonight – AKA, paying a lot of registration fees!)
  2. Complete a half marathon before before my 30th birthday. This run is practically starting in my backyard and supports a great cause, so there isn’t an excuse not to do it in March.
  3. Wear a size 2 dress on my 30th birthday. I’m currently shopping around for a nice one (trying to make sure it’s not stretchy, so I can’t “cheat” by squeezing myself into a size smaller than I am) and I will post a picture here once I’ve ordered it.
  4. Complete a full marathon before January 1st, 2015. (Dates past March 2014 aren’t posted yet, so I’ll have to wait to register for a marathon until later in the spring).
  5. Be more dedicated to the Paleo lifestyle. I will do this by spending the money on true, Paleo ingredients so I stop cheating with dairy, wheat, and soy. Julian’s Bakery and Caveman Cookies will become good friends in 2014.

I know I will be adding to this list of resolutions shortly, as I tend to create new, smaller goals to help ensure I hit the big ones. I just wanted to vocalize (and publicly commit) to some of my resolutions now before I have a chance to recant on them.

Between now and January 1st, I’m trying to stop stressing my weight and just enjoy good friends, good food, and good spirits. My weight has been teetering between 132-135 despite missed workouts and a crazy diet, so perhaps I won’t spiral into morbid obesity after all. I’m a little squishier around the middle, but I think that’s encouraged this time of the year, considering all the hugs we like to give out. If anything, I’m doing a favor for my family and friends – no one likes to huge a washboard or a wood plank, right? Right.

On that note, it’s time for a homemade brownie. Bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

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Weigh-In Wednesday

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I skipped this last week (out of shame).

I really, really wanted to skip this week (out of greater shame) but I’m doing it anyhow.

Today’s weight: 136.0.

I’ve been on a steady incline, fluctuating between 133-136 for the past two weeks. My all-time low was 129.8 on November 22nd and I haven’t been able to get back to that sub-130 milestone since.

Perhaps if I could stop eating junk food, I could make it happen. Perhaps if I went to the gym more than three times a week, I could make it happen.

Waist: 27.75″

I’ve got a bit of a muffin top going in my size 4 jeans. They fit perfectly in November, they are snug in December. Let’s hope I don’t burst out of them in January.

I didn’t measure my thighs, mainly because I didn’t trust myself to not freak out. I can see that they’re wider, thicker, jelly.

I just need to make it through December.

I will regain control in 2014. Until then, I just need to survive.

~ Tori

 

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The Holiday Diet Blues

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I’m having a really hard time with my diet lately.

I’m having a really hard time with nutrition/health/fitness in general.

I love the gym, but I’m not going regularly. I love eating clean foods, but I’m opting for junk. I love being optimistic, but I’m sinking into a bit of a depression.

It must be the holidays…

~ Tori

Holidays vs. Will Power

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York Peppermint Pattie

OK, I still plan to post my “Weigh-In Wednesday” segment later today, but I needed to take a moment to vent (scream) about my severe lack of control the past two weeks with regards to candy.

I have literally been consuming 50% of my daily calories in the form of sugary, processed treats. While delicious, this is a HORRIBLE habit and one that I thought I had broken many months back. Unfortunately, thanks to the over-preparation of many of my colleagues for Halloween visitors, there has been a surplus of “fun-size” and “minis” floating around my office that would make any dentist cringe (or celebrate, depending on their excitement on the profits from potential cavity fillings).

Yesterday alone, I had 2 mini milk chocolate Hershey bars, a mini Butterfinger, 2 mini York peppermint patties, and 2 fun-size bags of mini Reese’s peanut butter cups. Yeaaaaaaah. Over 500 calories of pure JUNK!

English: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Minis.

So, what’s the solution? How do I break this trend?

I’m consuming over 2,500 calories per week in pure candy (probably closer to 5,000, to be brutally honest), which is resulting in an utter stand-still in my weight loss and the cancellation of my sweat-filled workouts.

I can’t stop. Candy has become crack. How do I break through this bad habit?

How do people maintain their will power through the holiday temptations?

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

~ Tori

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