I’m normally generous to a fault, but as you can see here, that doesn’t apply to my stash of Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Hands off!
– Tori
weight
Freedom
I don’t exactly know how I did it, but I did.
For those of you that actively follow this blog, you may have noticed the long radio silence the past few weeks. I’ve gone almost 17 days without a post on here. While I do regret the lack of writing activity, the silence was the result of a very good thing: I haven’t been stressing my weight.
For nearly three weeks, my weight (and my body as a whole) has been at the very back of my mind. Perhaps it’s due to my busy work schedule, life stressors, or the heavy graduate class I’m balancing, but the scale, my pant size, and the reflection in the mirror have not been important to me recently.
I’m not used to this freedom. I’m not used to walking beside the scale and not feeling inclined to strip and weigh myself. To weigh myself not once, but twice – because the first time might be wrong. Maybe a third time, just to average the three numbers together and get the most accurate weight. In the last three weeks, I think I have weighed myself four times. Each time, it was out of habit and not need and, in two of the four cases, I didn’t actually look at the number on the screen. I just hopped back off.
In the last three weeks, I’ve enjoyed pizza. Candy. Pasta. Foods I’ve normally considered “forbidden territory” have been peppered into my day-to-day. And guess what? They haven’t destroyed me. I’m still strong and healthy. I’m still a good person. Even if my jeans are a little tighter in the waist, my heart is happy and I’ve allowed myself to live.
This is a freedom I could get used to.
While I’m not saying I plan to drop my regimen and let loose entirely, I think allowing myself a little wiggle room has helped me.
I got on the scale this morning and actually looked at the numbers this time: 133.2.
Three weeks of just letting myself live – exercising when I could, eating well for the most part, and enjoying my indulgences without guilt – and my weight was right about where I started.
Maybe there is something to this 80/20 balance thing after all.
Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
The Holiday Diet Blues
I’m having a really hard time with my diet lately.
I’m having a really hard time with nutrition/health/fitness in general.
I love the gym, but I’m not going regularly. I love eating clean foods, but I’m opting for junk. I love being optimistic, but I’m sinking into a bit of a depression.
It must be the holidays…
~ Tori
Wednesday Weigh-in, Week Two (A Day Late!)
Whooooops!
Even though I remembered to take a photo and weigh myself yesterday, I absolutely forgot to post my details. Wow, only two weeks into this new habit and I’m already missing due dates. Ha!
I blame the holidays. I spent the day with my family only to come home to house guests, so it was a hectic (but fun) day!
I’m trying to wear the same outfit for every weigh-in photo so you can see the small nuances and changes to my body.
Weight: 134.0
(This actually upsets me, as I had gone down to 129.8 on Friday of last week, but I had a feeling that was due to dehydration… oh well.)
Waist/Thighs: unknown.
(My husband misplaced my measuring tape.)
I’m concerned that I’m going to take a major step back with today’s Thanksgiving eating, so I’m planning to go for a long run and get a workout in before I gorge on all of the good stuff. Hopefully I can make it to next week’s weigh-in without too much damage!
On that note, friends, it’s time to gobble ’til you wobble!
Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
Related articles
- Weigh In late but not Forgotten (journeytoawesomehood.com)
- Weekly Weigh-in 12 (nicolepitcher.wordpress.com)
- Weigh in Wednesday! (adventuresinmarriageandmotherhood.wordpress.com)
- Weigh in Wednesday + Picture Update – Week 3 (powertoshred.wordpress.com)
- Weigh-in Wednesday! (nschultz22.wordpress.com)
- Weigh-In Wednesday. (comebackmom.wordpress.com)
Weigh-In Wednesday: Week One
OK. Here goes.
Absolute transparency in the hopes it keeps me accountable.
Physical Concerns:
- Stomach: it’s always the first area of my body to show my lack of regimen. If I gain an ounce, it shows up on my stomach.
- Thighs: specifically, my left thigh, which is chubbier than my right. This picture accentuates it.
- Upper Arms: no matter how many push-ups I do, I can’t seem to get my biceps lean and toned.
Today’s Weight: 135.0 (yup, it’s up)
Waist: 28.5″ (taken at the belly button)
Left Thigh: 21.75″
Right Thigh: 22″
I figured I should outline my goals here, since I’m going to post this weekly.
Goals:
- Weight: 120-125
- Waist: 26″ (or less)
- Left Thigh: 19.5″
- Right Thigh: 19.5″
Whew. This was harder than I expected it to be. It’s one thing to post my weight, another to post a picture – posting my weight, picture, and measurements all in one transparent parade is rather confounding. Fortunately, knowing that I have to do this again next week already has me thinking about the steps that I can take to make sure I’m healthy this weekend (so I show positive results next week).
Wish me luck!
Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
A New Feature to the Blog: Weigh-In Wednesdays
As I mentioned this weekend, I’ve really been bad lately with my diet and, as a result, my weight is up. I went from 130.6 just three weeks ago to a whopping 138 on Sunday morning when I stumbled onto the scale (after a weekend of gorging and excess). Since Halloween, I’ve really been letting myself just eat whatever I want (while still exercising 4-5 days per week) and I’ve learned that I just can’t get away with that with my body.
Unlike the rest of the world, I cannot exercise and eat what I want.
I will gain weight. FAST.
It’s unfair, but it’s the body I was given. I have to make the best of it. Awareness is the answer.
As part of an effort to hold myself more accountable, I’m going to publicly post my stats every Wednesday as well as a new (quasi-revealing) picture to show the progression of my body.
Starting tonight, I will post the following every Wednesday:
- My weight (as taken in the morning)
- My waist circumference
- Left & right thigh circumference
- A full body photo (shorts/sports bra)
I’ve been very regimented this week so far – a big thanks to MyFitnessPal & GymPact for keeping me honest with myself – and I went into the week with far more meal-planning than I had previously, so I’ve managed to keep my food intake in check and the scale is slowly creeping down.
Tonight, after work, I’ll be posting my first “Weigh-In Wednesday” and I hope that all of you can help to keep me encouraged, motivated, and accountable to my goals.
On that note, please watch for a post later this evening and, as always, bon appetit!
~ Tori
Related articles
- Weigh In Wednesday (powertoshred.wordpress.com)
- David Greenwalt: 12 Tips to Maintaining Weight-Loss Sanity This Thanksgiving (wonderfultips.wordpress.com)
- Wednesday Weigh-In (lifewiththegirlnextdoor.com)
- Addicted to Weighing Myself (fat2fitinayear.wordpress.com)
- Let’s Get Started! Wednesday Weigh In. (meantobelean.wordpress.com)
- Operation Weight Loss – Week 2 of 15 (heatherurbanescape.wordpress.com)
- Weigh in Wednesday (bitchfitgirls.wordpress.com)
Hungry, Hungry Hippo!
I am a junkie of the Huffington Post. I have a tendency to start my morning on a reading binge, going through about a dozen articles (via my cell phone) within the first thirty minutes of waking up. Half-asleep and attempting to brush my teeth, I scroll through the pages as quickly as my groggy eyes can read them.
While I’m often consuming articles on trending news or world wide events, most of my reading consists of the Healthy Living section: diets, workouts, and nutritional advice.
One article, specifically, caught my eye today:
9 Sneaky Reasons You’re Ravenously Hungry
Today’s article really struck home, as I struggle with the voracity of my appetite most days of the week.
Seriously, if I allowed myself, I could consume THOUSANDS of calories at every meal and still have room for more. Perhaps it’s the remnants of my bigger days, but I can put away food with the best of them.
My dream job… if calories didn’t count.
In reading these tips, I feel like I need to smack my forehead a few times. I know these rules, but I don’t adhere to them. I’m horrible about skipping breakfast (coffee counts, no?) and I’m horrible about mindless munching.
Take, for example, this morning:
Since it’s a Monday, I decided to start the day with a healthy breakfast – four turkey sausage patties.
220 calories, 26 grams of protein, and all natural ingredients. Good job, right?
Yeaaaaaah!
Then I got to work.
Four rice cakes (NOT PALEO!) topped with sunflower nut butter (yum!) and raw wildflower honey and I’ve consumed double the calories of my breakfast in just minutes. And it’s not even lunch time yet!
WHOOPS.
I guess I’m just a hungry, hungry hippo today.
I’m the pink one, of course.
Fortunately, it’s still early in the day, I have a healthy lunch packed, and I plan to hit the gym extra hard this evening – both to burn off stress and the excess calories. I’m glad I read this article this morning, as it brought me back to a point of awareness. Most of my dieting failures are the result of complacency – I stop paying attention. Being aware of what you point into your body is just as important as working out and far more important than the numbers on the scale.
So kudos to HuffPost for reminding me to be aware! I needed that today!
On that note, it’s time for this hungry, hungry hippo to get some work done. Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
Related articles
- The Right Way To Lose Weight And Keep It Off (aerobicssteps.net)
- Aspartame Makes You Hungry (lewrockwell.com)
- Changing How You Eat (livinghealthywithnan.com)
- Dr. Oz’s 100 Weight Loss Tips (herbalsupplementusa.wordpress.com)
- Starting off on the right foot. (simplifyingsam.com)
- Hungry Hippo (mvilligan12.wordpress.com)
- Eight Easy to Follow Weight Loss Tips (epicahealth.com)
Halloween: Joy and Challenge
Like many of you, Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s equally a child’s holiday as it is an adult’s, with only a small age range that chooses not to participate. I remember at 13 saying I was “too old to dress up.”
Man, was I missing out on a lot of fun.
I’d like to go back and slap 13-year-old-self in the face! You get to eat copious amounts of candy without judgement, attend parties, and dress up like anything you want! Come on, young-Tori, don’t be an idiot.
I’m pretty sure the costume stores have double the adult options as they do kiddie choices, and they’re not all “sexy cops” and “sexy nurses,” either. This year, since I’m attending multiple parties, I stocked up on props (fake blood, fake battle wounds, etc) and splurged on a secret costume that I’m going to unveil at a party next weekend.
Last night, I attended an OUTBREAK Survivor Party, so the majority of our costumes were zombie themed. I had fun with the makeup and shirt-decoration last night:
So, what’s the downside to all of this partying and costume menagerie?
THE FOOD.
At the beginning of last week, I had gotten down to my all-time low of 130.6. I’ve never seen the scale dip that close to the blessed 120s and I was ecstatic. As usual, I took a picture because I could hardly believe it:
As you can imagine, though, I’m no where near that number today.
After almost two weeks of snacking on candy at work and then attending a few parties consisting of fried foods, chips, and lots of frothy beverages, my weight this morning is back up to 134.
SIGH.
It’s just a never-ending cycle. With holidays always a part of life – and the desire to splurge when around friends – it makes it really hard to come to an equilibrium with my body. I’m regimented for weeks, then destroy my efforts in a few days of all-out eating. I’m not going to cut my friends out of my life. I’m not going to convert to Jehovah’s Witness to avoid the celebration of holidays. So what’s a yo-yo to do?
Well, I can tell you what this yo-yo is going to do today:
- Have a cup of coffee to shake off the remaining effects of yesterday’s party.
- Search for my make-up remover, as the good ol’ soap and water used on my face doesn’t seem to have gotten off all of the blood. I look rabid at the moment.
- Hit the gym.
- Eat as healthy as I can while recognizing that it’s the month of candy and I’m not going to escape it.
- Enjoy a beautiful Florida day.
Halloween is both my joy and my challenge and I’ve decided I’m just going to roll with it today and not let a slight increase on the scale bring me down.
Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
Related articles
- Eight Last Minute Halloween Costumes for the Kids! (thefashionablebambino.com)
- Homemade Hallowe’en (avintagelife.wordpress.com)
- Halloween costume inspiration (imogents.wordpress.com)
Graduation Day: The Dream Dress!
As promised to those who have followed the blog for several weeks, here is the photo of me in my size four graduation dress.
I worked hard to get into this sucker.
- Hitting the gym 5-6 days per week,
- Sticking to my Paleo diet, and
- Not letting my stress trigger a binge as it so frequently can when it compounds.
When I started the program (my second Bachelors degree) in March 2011, I was a wearing a size ten.
In many ways, I am a completely transformed person as a result of my college experience. An instructor in my junior year encouraged me to start this blog and create my documentary (in which I admitted to my bulimia) and that transparency with the world has helped me to gain better control of my eating disorder. Knowing that all of you, now thousands of readers, are sharing in my world and are aware of my struggles, I’ve found a greater strength inside me that helps me generate will power when I need it the most.
I am wiser, I am more passionate and creative, and I am physically half the woman I used to be.
I’ll take it.
Bon appetit, my friends!
Related articles
- 10 Tips for Bulimia Recovery (waragainsteatingdisorder.wordpress.com)
- Surviving the Holidays with Eating Disorders (epicahealth.com)
Humbled
In the last 48 hours, I shared my story with Huffington Post and Daily Mail.
I shared the ups and downs of my weight loss, the on-going journey I’ve been on, and how it has emotionally impacted my life for nearly thirty years.
Then, this morning, I went to a theme park with friends, oblivious for what was to come.
I had no idea how many people would be impacted by reading my story. I kept feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket and finally, around 12pm, I decided to check it.
Thirty new people had liked my Facebook fan page.
Over 800 people per hour were visiting my blog.
And people were sending me personal messages and comments, telling me how my story touched them and how they could empathize with my struggle.
I had no idea so many people shared the same pain. The same joy. The same fight with numbers on a scale.
To my new friends, to my old friends – thank you for your support. I want you to know that you are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out, for showing compassion, kindness, and love to someone you do not know. I am humbled by the messages I’ve received and the personal notes that have been left on the comments section of several of my posts.
You – yes, YOU – are proof that society will one day supersede the superficial tendencies it has adopted and that intelligence, altruism, and acceptance will prevail. Until then, we’ll just have to learn to love ourselves, to nourish and take care of our bodies, and to surround ourselves with genuine people. I’m blessed that I’m on the path to all three.
On that note, bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori
The Memoirs of a Yo-Yo Dieter 