Weigh-In Wednesday!

OK, with 52 days left until my 30th birthday and the clock counting down, here’s my very first weigh-in/measurement on my DIRTY THIRTY CRUNCH plan:

Weight: 129.6 (down from Monday’s 130.2)

Right Thigh: 21″

Left Thigh: 20.5″

Right Arm: 9.75″

Left Arm: 10.25″

Waist: 26.75″

Hips: 34.5″

I’m not sure what my ideal measurements are at this time (perhaps measuring my arms is pointless, but it seemed important), but I do know I want to be solidly in a size two by my 30th birthday. And under 119 pounds. I’m 5’3″, so that’s a HEALTHY number and very attainable.

52 days to go.

Wish me luck!

Bon appetit, my friends!

Tuesday Accountability Report

I’m tired after a long day at work, but here’s my accountability report for the day.

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I totally cheated at dinner (naan!), but made up for it with some cardio and calisthenics.

Tomorrow I’m hoping for a cleaner day of eating (no wheat, minimal carbs) and a REAL sweat session at the gym.

Wednesday weigh-in tomorrow!

Bon appetit, my friends!

Tori

Monday Accountability Report

I had class tonight, so I wasn’t able to start my Monday off at the gym as I would’ve liked.

That being said, I was EXTRA diligent about my diet. Check out today’s calorie summary:

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Unintentionally lower than planned for calories, but the high protein nature of my meals today REALLY filled me up!

Check out the nutritional breakdown:

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Not too shabby! I’m hoping to hit the gym hard tomorrow and I will post photos/measurements on Wednesday.

Total exposure, total accountability.

Hope everyone has a great evening and, if it’s dinner time for you: Bon appetit!

~ Tori

Monday Manifesto

As of today, I’m officially 54 days from my birthday.

This is the big one, the birthday I’ve been dreading for years: THIRTY.

This is the birthday that officially says goodbye to the naivete and excuses of youth and slams me smack-dab into the center of adulthood. I’m old enough to know better and yet young enough (at heart) to recognize what I’m missing out on.

I envisioned my life to be very different by 30. When I was a teenager, I imagined that with my 30th birthday came children, a minivan stocked with soccer equipment, and the body of a fitness model.

(For some reason, I always thought a minivan was cool – perhaps because I was the only one of my friends that didn’t have siblings and I found the conveniences of a minivan to be luxurious beyond measure. Broaching 30, I’m kind of excited I don’t have a minivan.)

While 54 days isn’t enough time to pop out a football team (hallelujah!), it is enough time to recommit to my fitness goals and see tangible results. Since my fitness/nutrition/health is the one thing I am in control of in this crazy, hectic world, I’m dedicating myself to it for the next two months.

Today’s starting weight: 131.2

Goal weight (by July 11th): 119 or less.

Current jean size: 26/27 (between sizes 4-6, depending on brand)

Goal jean size: 24/25 (size 2)

Diet plan: Mostly Paleo, but allowing dairy.

Calorie goal: Under 1,300/daily.

Fitness plan: 60 minutes elliptical/5 days per week. Walk 60 minutes per day. Strength training 3/week.

Accountability plan: doubling my bets on GymPact and taking weekly measurements/photos/weigh-in to post here.
(Look for the infamous “Weigh-in Wednesday” posts to return!)

So, there it is. Here’s my Monday Manifesto, my public declaration of goals in the hopes that all of you can help me stay focused, stay centered, and stay motivated.

On that note… bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori

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Down Day

I don’t like what I see in the mirror today.

I’m frustrated. Frustrated with my body, frustrated with my will power, frustrated with me (on every level).

I kill myself at the gym only to come home and eat junk food. I know better. I understand good nutrition and I eat healthy 90% of the time, but I find myself in a self-sabotaging mood almost every evening.

In the span of minutes, I undo all the work of my day. A bite here, a bite there, and I’ve cancelled out an intensive sweat session.

I’m angry. Angry at myself, angry at genetics. My mother is tiny. My father was tiny. I never once saw either enter a gym. I never once saw either count a calorie. They just were.

For the majority of my adult life, I’ve been aware. Aware of what I eat, aware of what I do (or don’t do), and aware of how I look. I’ve never just existed. I’ve been hyper-aware of food, of my body, and of the world’s perception of me for as long as I can remember.

I’m tired of being jealous of other people. Tired of being jealous watching someone eat something I deny myself, put on a pant size I can never hope to squeeze into. I’m tired of not being satisfied of where I am of, of where I’ve come from.

Will I ever love my body? Will I ever hit my “goal” if my goal is never static? Will I ever stop being jealous and start appreciating what I have?

Looking at myself in the mirror today, I think the answer is no.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow,

~ Tori

 

A Week Off!

In case anyone has been questioning the radio silence on this blog, I wanted to let you know that I’ve just returned from a week long vacation out of town during which I attempted to fully disconnect from work, from school, and from dieting.

Other than a few emails to and from my Director, checking my final grades for the spring term, and the occasional moment of guilt as I walked past the hotel gym eating popcorn, I managed to do all three.

I took a total hiatus from calorie-counting, carb-watching, and Paleo-adherence and enjoyed a week of eating what I wanted, when I wanted, and savoring the local delights of a new city.

I’m pleased to say that I LOST weight. Yep, you read that correctly: I ate freely and lost weight.

I was 133.2 the morning I left for the trip (Wednesday) and returned home on Sunday night (yes, an evening weigh-in!) at 131.8.

Walking the city instead of using public transport helped, plus I tended to savor each delicacy I tried – thus consuming less because I ate slowly and allowed myself to feel full naturally.

I had a great trip and enjoyed the detachment, but I must admit I’m glad to be home. I missed my regimen!

Although, I can’t lie: this pizza alone makes me want to move north:

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Yum!! Stuffed pizza, as if regular pizza wasn’t bad enough! Haha.

It’s good to be back, my friends. Bon appetit!

-Tori

Don’t Freak Out

I’m trying to keep myself calm. I’m trying NOT to freak out. I got on the scale this morning and it’s WAAAAY up.

Five pounds up.

I’ve done a lot of exercise lately (I ran for 2 hours, 45 minutes on Friday alone) and a lot of strength training, so I know most of the weight is the result of muscle fatigue and lactic acid back-up.

I’ve also consumed a lot of salt lately, polishing off a gigantic bowl of Vietnamese Pho on Saturday like it was my job:

 

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

This was a picture taken HALFWAY through the bowl. Yeaaaaah, I finished it.

I’m trying not to believe that these five pounds are real, but the numbers terrified the snot out of me this morning.

I admit, I’ve been eating a TON of candy lately.

I haven’t limited myself to one Cadbury egg this week; I’ve had 2-3 daily most of this week. I believed my extra workouts entitled me to it (which they did, I guess, if my goal was to cancel out my exercise with food) and now I’m trying to assure myself that I haven’t gained five pounds from chocolate.

Right?

Don’t freak out. Don’t purge. Don’t lose control.

I’m guzzling water and coffee today. I’m avoiding salt. I’m praying for a miracle tomorrow.

~ Tori

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Throw Back Thursday!

Throw Back Thursday!

This photo was taken after our senior trip to Islands of Adventure in high school. I had just gotten SOAKED on the ride in Tune Town and we were all giddy for our upcoming graduation.

It was at this point in my life that I had finally begun to take charge (and responsibility) for my health. A mistake on my senior schedule put me in NJROTC classes and the group accountability helped me follow-through on promises to exercise. By the end of senior year, I had dropped down to 170-175 pounds from my high of 214 over the summer.

This photo reminds me that happiness is NOT about weight, but rather about enjoyment of life in the moment. I think back to this day with only fond memories. I don’t recall my weight or my looks affecting my happiness in any way – we were just a group of kids reveling in a day off from school and the promise of a bright future.

On the days where I wake up and don’t like how I look, I remind myself that five years from now I won’t remember what the number was on the scale that morning, but I would remember doing something positive for someone. I would remember an event, a significant conversation, or an act of generosity. I try to shake off my bad days by remembering the happiness I felt in this picture – with no concerns about my weight or my body – and how today can be a good day, too.

Bon appetit, my friends!
~ Tori

Cheat Days are Good Reminders!

I’ve spent the last 24 hours absolutely eating whatever I want. Pizza for dinner, waffles (with honey and peanut butter – YUM!) and cheesy scrambled eggs for breakfast. Jelly beans and s’mores (yes, s’mores) for lunch.

jelly-beans

I decided to let myself go crazy for the last 24 hours and I’ve held nothing back. I hadn’t given myself a true “Cheat Day” in a long time: I’ve tried to live by the 80/20 rule – eat healthy 80% of the time so when you want a splurge here and there–the 20%–it doesn’t feel like a big deal.

So, for the last 24 hours, I’ve eaten what I’ve wanted right when I wanted it and let myself eat any quantity my hands/stomach/heart wanted.

What have I learned?

Sugar is overrated.

I have a headache. My stomach is queasy and off-centered. The more I eat, the stronger the cravings for more become. It’s this painful cycle of ups and downs and I can feel the damage in my limbs (they’re heavy and dragging), my brain (it’s totally cloudy), and my moods (crazy giddy to hate-the-world melancholy).

I’ve only been doing it for 24 hours and I’m already ready to swear off sugar for life.

While I’ve always believed in moderation (one Cadbury Creme Egg per day, please!), I think the occasional “go crazy” cheat day is a positive specifically for this reason. Today’s the prime example of why I try to squeeze in a true Cheat Day once every five to six weeks.

It reminds me that junk food is just that: JUNK. It makes you feel like CRAP.

It’s like putting unleaded 87 fuel into a racecar: the engine pings randomly, the torque seems lessened, and the overall engine runs with a stutter.

While it was freeing to scarf down anything and everything I wanted, it’s only 4:30pm and I’m already over it. I want a salad. I want some grilled chicken. I want to throw away every piece of clearance Easter candy I hoarded in the last two weeks and live on nothing but green vegetables and water for the next month.

I know, I know. I’m overreacting. Tomorrow, all I will think about during work will be my daily Cadbury Creme Egg and I’ll look back at these “24 Free Hours” as a beautiful memory. Right now, though, I just want some cucumber slices and a shot of pepto bismo.

I guess cheat days are good reminders of why we try to live a healthy lifestyle. I can’t imagine existing like this!

On that note–bon appetit, my friends!

~ Tori